Philosophical Musings...

I feel very confident that Josh is going to get some of the best treatment available through UAB.... for those of you who haven't been to the Kirklin Clinic, it's huge, a really nice building, and bustling with activity... no offense to my fellow Alabamians, but it feels like it should be somewhere other than Alabama (like DC or something). The doctors and nurses were very friendly, professional, and knowledgeable. I really feel like he is in good hands there and generally feel more hopeful and positive after our first visit.

Thank you again to everyone who has sent us cards, emails, or called or visited to let us know you're thinking of us and pulling for us. We like getting food, too. And pictures of children and/or pets are appreciated. :) It really is a big comfort to know there are so many people who care about us and are willing to help us. We are continuing with our usual routine and activities as much as possible and will continue to do so as long as we can. We have our moments of fear and worry and sadness, but we let those pass and move on with things.

I have started to indulge thoughts of "Why us?" or "Why now?" at times, but those thoughts are a waste of time and energy that can be better spent being proactive and handling this the best that we can. I don't see the point in wondering "why bad things happen to good people," since no thing and no person is entirely good or bad... we just have to accept that THINGS happen to PEOPLE and decide to make meaning out of the THINGS that happen to us, and use them as catalysts to grow and change and deepen our faith and our relationships with one another. Because ultimately THINGS are in God's control, not ours... it is our responses to and attitudes toward THINGS that determine whether we will grow and mature, or get stuck and stagnate. That's what I think about all that. :)
Peace everybody,
Kimberly

So You're Saying There's a Chance!

Well, the day finally arrived and I was seen by a few doctors at UAB. What an awesome place! The staff was incredible and things went very smoothly. The first thing I had done was a CT scan. The tumor is approximately 4 x 2 cm. There are some lymph nodes in the general area that appear enlarged, but no indication that it has spread through the larger lymph system.

Before I tell you about doctors, I want to give my shout out to nurses. I love social workers very much and will always have my heart in that profession. However, nurses are right up there when it comes to being in a wonderful profession. I have always liked nurses and I am blessed that the people in that profession are dedicated to helping you understand procedures, navigate the system, and help you heal! THANK YOU NURSES!!!! I will probably post more about this in the coming months.

The first doctor I saw was the medical oncologist who was very upbeat and covered alot of information with us. He said that he is normally aggressive in his treatment philosophies and said that he would probably be more so with me, given my age and general health. He scheduled for me to have an endoscopic ultrasound of the tumor area to assess the tumor and surrounding areas more closely. The ultrasound will also assist in determining which medical treatment regimen he chooses. He is pretty certain that he will use a combination of two chemo drugs for his part of the treatment.

The next doctor I saw was a radiation oncologist. He informed us about general radiation treatment and we discussed the consequences on my reproductive system. He mentioned that saving sperm would be something for us to consider (more about that later). He also stated that after the ultrasound that I would begin radiation treatment daily for about six weeks. This will start the same week as the chemo and they will be combined as part of the overall treatment regimen.

The final doctor I saw was a surgeon. This was the visit that I was anxious about. I was also interested in getting a second opinion about my options. He gave me a 50-50 chance of being reconnected after healing from surgery. He informed us about the nature of colon and rectal tumors. (IF YOU ARE EATING OR HAVE A LIGHT STOMACH...YOU ARE WARNED!) The initial assessment was that my entire rectum would need to be surgically removed. This is due to there not being much tissue to work with near your anus to re-attach the colon. Without that needed tissue and muscle at the end of the sphincter, you have no bowel control. Tumors grow off of polyps in your colon and rectal walls. The have a stem and then balloon out similar to a tree. For doctors who do not deal with rectal cancer all day (God bless the ones that do!), when they assess the tumor size they are generally only assessing the ballooned portion of the tumor. In my case, this doctor's assessment left him with the impression that the covered area of the rectum wall (were the stem begins) is nowhere near as large as the ballooned portion. In any case, 50-50 is pretty good in my opinion. But there are still plenty of quality of life questions to be answered (i.e. give me a bag over no control of bowels).

So, that is where we stand. We go tomorrow to meet with a reproductive doctor and discuss options for saving sperm ahead of chemo and radiation. I will have my ultrasound done on Tuesday Sept. 4 and will probably begin chemo and radiation the following Thursday at the earliest (could be the following week though). Surgery is still about three months out.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers and remember the blessings that God has bestowed upon you. He certainly has showered me with them over the past week!

Peace
Josh

Prayer from John Cardinal Newman

God has created me to do him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which he has not committed to another: I have my mission.
I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught; I shall do good - I shall do his work; I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place while not intending it if I do but keep his commandments.
Therefore I will trust him. Whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve him; in perplexity, my perplexity may serve him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve him.
He does nothing in vain. He knows what he is about. He may take away my friends, he may throw me among strangers, he may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me - still he knows what he is about.

Hello Everyone

Hi everyone, my first entry is not going to be as eloquent as Josh's, but I will be on here posting regular updates of what's going on with us. Thank you to everyone who has shown us support so far--keep it coming! We need it! This is going to be tough but I know we will get through it. On a sentimental note... Josh proposed to me 3 years ago today. These have been the best 3 years of my life so far. Josh is the best friend I could ever have hoped to find and I will elaborate on how wonderful he is some other time when I feel more like writing.
Peace-
Kimberly

Game On!

Practice Hard. Play fair. Game On.

These words are inscribed on a plaque dedicated to Drew Llewellyn. I did not know Drew other than a short time we spent together during activities for his sister Mary's wedding. His sister married my best friend Wade. A short time after the wedding, Drew was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and he put up one hell of a fight. Regretfully, Drew succumbed to the cancer in June 2006. The statement at the top became his and Team Llewellyn's motto, especially GAME ON! (For more info see Drew's link to the right and check out his story...truly amazing soul and a wonderful family!)

As most of you know, last week I was diagnosed with rectal cancer. I am really lost about how to feel, what to expect, and how to respond to the overwhelming support I have received over the past week. It is my hope that I can invoke Drew's spirit to help me in my time of treatment, recovery, and survival. I hope that I can carry forward such a simple, yet comprehensive statement such as GAME ON! in a time like this. I hope team Llewellyn understands how important I understand those two words to mean and that in no way do I mean to trivialize its essence.

Not only does the phrase remind me of my wish to maintain my activities, it reminds me that this is going to be tough. I must prepare both mentally and physically for what lies ahead. The statement embodies hope, hard work, and dedication; all of which I was able to observe in the few days that I knew Drew. I also observed how the support of Team Llewellyn was unending and still remains today. My support network, including some members of team Llewellyn, is just as engaged. (In fact, Drew's sister Mary was the first person to suggest that Kimberly and I start a blog...thanks Mary!!) This is the second time in the past decade that I will have to rely heavily on my support network. You all know who you are and I love everyone of you very much!

That brings me to Kimberly. She has been a rock of support for me over the past week. I cannot believe that we are having to undergo such a crisis so early in our marriage. I have faith that God will lead us through this and in the end we will be stronger. Words cannot express how Kimberly's love brings me hope about the future. Kimberly will be a contributing author for this blog so look for some thoughts from her soon. In fact, once treatment begins she is liable to be the primary author, depending on how I feel during chemo and radiation. (The treatment protocol usually involves chemo & radiation followed by surgery, with treatment post-op as well)

So, about treatment. Here is where we stand. I was scheduled to start receiving treatment in Tuscaloosa, AL. I live near Birmingham, but the student insurance I have defaults to local network doctors. I attempted with the nurse at the surgeon's office in Tuscaloosa to arrange to go to the comprehensive cancer center at UAB (see the link). The nurse was unsure about referral process for there but she still attempted to make me an appointment. With her limited knowledge about the services at UAB, she was unsuccessful in arranging a quick visit and instead arranged for a visit with a Tuscaloosa oncologist immediately. This is where grace entered the picture. My dissertation committee chair is a cancer survivor and her area of research is oncology social work (an area I know little about, but I am sure I might be invested in this type of social work after this experience). She emailed the director of the center (whom she participates in research with) and within 5 minutes (I mean that...I was still talking with her face-to-face after she sent the email) I received a call from a nurse at the center. Then, about 10 minutes later I received a phone call from the director of the center who talked with me about my cancer and informed me about services at the UAB. I cannot say how blessed I feel to have this opportunity, even though my understanding of social inequality and Catholic upbringing have me feeling a little guilty.

Anyway, I meet with a multidisciplinary team this Thursday for a second opinion. I am not interested in second opinions about the cancer or the chemo and radiation. However, I am interested in receiving a second opinion from the surgeon at UAB about different procedures. Unfortunately, with this type of cancer (specifically with the location of my tumor) the entire rectum is surgically removed and digestion is assisted with a permanent colostomy bag. I have been doing some research of my own and I have so many questions to ask.

So, on Thursday I will see a medical oncologist, radiation oncologist, and a surgeon at UAB. I will keep everyone posted on what happens. Please continue to keep me and Kimberly in your prayers, and God bless!

Josh