Thank You Everyone!

Once again I am humbled by the many thoughts and prayers received over the past few days. This has been very sobering for Kimberly and I both and we are right back to a place where we were hoping we would never be. I am not as upset as I was the first time, but I think that is due primarily to understanding that this was a possibility. I think only survivors can really understand, but I have constantly battled feelings of vulnerability since I was originally diagnosed. I usually kept them to myself, for when I verbalized them I was often chastised for being negative or pessimistic from others.

I will meet this challenge with the same resolve that I have shown in previous battles. I will step into the ring knowing that I am going to get the shit beat out of me. This will probably be a more difficult chemo round seeing as I do not have any extra weight to pad my wasting. The look of death will come sooner and the sickness will be excruciating. Hell, I already get nauseous just thinking about chemo or just visiting the doctor's office for follow-up visits. So, when I actually start getting the medicine pumped in me again I will probably get sick real quick.

Even though my breathing has improved since they re-inflated my lung, I can still tell something is wrong. I have pain when I take deep breaths or when I stretch out my left arm to reach for something. The pain has moved towards my back as well as my chest. It is not unbearable, but it is very uncomfortable. It really hurts if I sneeze or get the hiccups, but I guess that makes sense. I still do not have any idea what the probability of my lung collapsing again is. I am sure given that there is still something there which could block air flow again that it is conceivable.

Anyway, please keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming. I need them these days. I am not really sure what the future holds but I am going to take on whatever needs to be accomplished. The PET scan (not sure of when this is scheduled) will probably be the tell-tale event to give me an indication of what to expect. Metastasis anywhere is not good, but just hope that a single metastasis is all I am dealing with. Anything else will probably be a longer chat with the doc about options/suggestions.

Peace,
Josh