Our Journey Together

Hurry Up and Wait!!

2011-12-28T09:59:00.000-08:00

Well, looks like we will just have to wait and see what I am facing. The PET scan indicated that the right side spot was not too worrisome, but the two spots on the left were certainly of concern. However, the spots remain too small to biopsy so we will just wait. I have a scheduled CT scan on February 20th. That will give us an idea of whether not the spot has changed, and if so, whether or not is large enough for a biopsy. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Josh

PS. Looking forward for Bryan Andrew!!! Getting so close!

Roller Coaster Continues

2011-12-12T11:27:00.000-08:00

Well, I just don't know what to make of life anymore...said as though I knew what to make of it before. I am so excited with the coming arrival of Bryan Andrew in April. Kimberly and I are beside ourselves with the idea of being parents and raising our little one. I am also very close to actually finishing my dissertation. I say that with reservation because I know there is still work to do, but it all goes as planned I will walk in May! I just have a few more paragraphs on my second to last chapter and then have to write the final chapter. Sounds easy enough, but it is actually very time consuming.

On top of this, I have been worried recently about some issues with my CT Scans over the past three months; not to mention my recent stop in the hospital to correct a complete small bowel obstruction. Luckily, no cancer in my small intestines. The lungs, however, are a different story. I had my follow-up CT scan this morning and there are still 2 spots in my left lung and a new one on my right lung. The doctor is still not certain what we are working with, but we are obviously concerned. The plan is to have a PET scan as soon as possible and see if anything more definitive shows up. That will give us an idea of where we might potentially biopsy. I am hoping for good results, but also planning for treatment should it come to that. I have been training and exercising really hard and I am in pretty good shape, but I am so scared about chemotherapy. I know the toll it takes.

Please keep all three of us in your prayers.

Peace,
Josh

Expecting

2011-09-20T10:37:00.000-07:00

I still don't believe it....

But it's gonna get REAL really fast!!!

I guess I will go back and tell the long story... after Josh had radiation treatment in fall 2007, he had stopped producing sperm. Thankfully, at my grandmother's prompting, we did bank some sperm before he started treatment (you'll have to ask him what that was like, he loves to joke about it). We started infertility treatment with Dr. Bates at the Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility Clinic at UAB in Nov 2008, by doing intrauterine insemination, or IUI, (think turkey baster method) with some of the sperm Josh had banked. No go. We did it again in December, nada. At that point the banked sperm was running low, so after a soul searching, prayerful discrimination process, we decided to proceed with in vitro fertilization, aka IVF. IVF has a higher success rate than IUI, requires a much smaller sperm sample, but is WAY more complicated (petri dishes instead of turkey basters) and WAY more expensive, and not covered by insurance. We were able to do it through contributions from family members, for which I will be forever grateful. There is some extensive prep involved in IVF which we began in March 2009. Then, that same month, we found out that Josh's cancer had metastasized to his lung, which meant more chemo and more surgery. I can't really describe the cocktail of emotions I had going on at that point, but we decided to proceed with the IVF. Part of the decision was the sense of urgency we felt... we didn't know how much time Josh might have. So in May of that year, we did IVF for the first time, but I didn't get pregnant.... probably had a lot to do with said emotional cocktail. We transferred 2 embryos that first time and had 2 left that were considered viable. We were all set to transfer those 2 in Sept. 2009 but they didn't survive thawing. More disappointment, more heartache... I still have the pictures of the embryos (microscopic balls of cells at that point). The REI Clinic was really pulling for us and offered to let us do a second round of IVF at greatly reduced cost, which we did in Feb/March 2010. Again, no pregnancy. That was it for IVF as we couldn't afford to do it again. Then, in May 2010, we discovered that Josh had started producing sperm again! Hooray! His sperm count was very low, but this was a great sign. We were told that there was a very low probability of us getting pregnant on our own, due to his low sperm count and my irregular periods. So we decided to do IUI again (remember the turkey baster, but this time with a fresh sperm sample) in July or August... still no luck. Then in September my mother was diagnosed with leukemia and she died on Oct 1, 2010. One of the last things she asked me while she was in the hospital and still coherent was "when are you doing IUI again???" So in the throes of grief, we tried IUI one last time in Nov 2010. After no success that time, Josh and I decided that we had tried enough, it just wasn't meant to be (plus we couldn't afford it anymore), and we would proceed with adoption. We got on Catholic Family Services adoption waiting list and also discussed life as a childless couple, perhaps joining the Peace Corps or becoming full time missionaries. I was, at times, angry at God and bitter that things hadn't gone our way, but I also accepted the idea of never being a (biological) parent and had grown okay with that. I quit worrying about getting pregnant and we quit trying.

And apparently that did the trick!!! At the first signs something was amiss, I didn't think much of it, since, as I mentioned, my periods tend to be irregular anyway . After a couple weeks had gone by, Josh finally convinced me to take a pregnancy test... I believe his exact words were "will you please take a pregnancy test 'cause you're acting really crazy." My reply was "I'm just irritable and bloated 'cause I'm about to start my period! Leave me alone!" But thankfully, I relented and peed on a stick. I truly didn't believe it when I first saw it. I just stared in slack-jawed shock. I yelled for Josh to come into the bathroom and just pointed, still open-mouthed and struck dumb. Josh got teary-eyed and said "I told you." That was on August 22... the next morning we walked in unannounced to the REI clinic and got a blood test done. Talk about some excited doctors and nurses.... But the best part was that it was August 23, my mother in law's birthday, so we got to give her the news she had been praying for for so long as her birthday present. She went ecstatically ballistic. :)

So now here I am, 11 weeks pregnant, pants starting to get a little snug, nice and nauseous in the mornings, exhausted and on an emotional roller coaster... and still blown away. I have apologized to God for my bitterness and lack of trust, and I know all is forgiven. I still think adoption is a beautiful thing and we may still adopt in the future. I'm so, so sad that my mother and my child will never meet on this plane of existence, though I know she knows what is going on and is thrilled. Funny thing, for the past ~ 8 months, I have been getting baby ads/coupons in the mail... addressed to me, not just "current resident"... and I had not, of course, put myself on any kind of mailing list to receive such things. Depending on what kind of mood I was in when the mail came, I would either scream obscenities and throw them in the trash, or merely roll my eyes and throw them in the trash. I got another one yesterday... now I wonder if this wasn't, all along, my mom's way of saying, Don't lose hope! Don't give up so fast! You will never, ever know the wonders that God has in store for you, child...

Bold As Love

2011-06-25T05:42:00.000-07:00

Porch Songs

2011-06-16T06:12:00.000-07:00

I find it interesting that every culture gathers “on the porch” in someway or another. You may not have an official porch in the sense of it being an extension of permanent housing, but you often find yourself congregating together with other people witnessing the intersection of meaning about the world as experienced by other human beings. Maybe it is a meaningless venture that I am putting high on a pedestal, or maybe it is sacred and blessed. I feel it is the latter, and my reflections on my trip to Honduras lead me to that conclusion.
Our trip began early Friday, June 3rd. It was way too early in the morning for most. We boarded our flight only to find out that we were going to be held up for a while waiting for the mechanic, one hour away, to inspect our damaged static dissipater. The relief of knowing that our plane was being carefully monitored and inspected for safety soon gave away to the reality that we would miss our connecting flight in Miami to Tegucigalpa. With much hard work and more waiting behind us, we were able to catch another flight and arrive at our destination at the farm in Telanga in time for dinner.
The farm was such an incredible place, and one of the defining characteristics for me were the covered porches on almost every building, minus the barns, storage units, and livestock structures of course. The porch attached to the volunteer house was even screened! These porches served as sacred space for everyone on the farm. This is the location where we offered devotion, watched the sunrise, watched the sunset, shared stories, built relationships, shared talents, played games, waited to eat, and watched the rain. When you were not working, eating, sleeping, or studying at the farm, you could usually be found on one of the many porches. In short, to build a porch is to build a community.
During the day we would all toil over our farm chores. Many of these tasks would seem monotonous to American standards of work, but each carried with it an accountability of action towards the larger community on the farm. Helping with the chickens; be it rearing chicks, cleaning coups, repairing coups, gathering eggs, or slaughtering the mature; assisted in either securing funds for the farm or providing food for meals. Cleaning sties helped prepare for future hogs which would serve a purpose similar to the chicken operation. Scraping tiles would mean repaired housing structures and fewer roof leaks.
At some point in my journey during one of my many chores I encountered an old adage someone verbalized which states to never do a bad job good. I know what this alludes to, but at the very moment it was spoken I was reflecting on the complete obverse. I had been pondering MLK’s teachings about doing your job good, no matter what you do. The quote is actually, “Whatever your life’s work is, do it well. A man should do his job so well that the living, the dead, and the unborn could do it no better.”
Through it all, no matter what transpired during the day, you always made your way back to the porch. You didn’t plop down in front of the television and let your need for human interaction become drowned out by the endless hum of noise. Instead, you shared space and time with others in the true presence of the Holy Spirit.
When it came time to leave, the tension of the moment was palpable. We were all facing the unavoidable reality that we were leaving what was just becoming routine. We had finally brokered trust and better communication with many on the farm, and even amongst ourselves, only to pack our things and head back to the world of fluttering around aimlessly like headless chickens spilling our souls onto a slaughterhouse floor. Tomorrow would find us roaming 459 or 280 wishing to be closer to what we experienced in Honduras. Culture shock.
I keep living my life waiting for that moment when everything makes sense. Looking for that moment when my work feels like something truly meaningful. Maybe it is all a pipe dream I am sold manipulating me to keep working my butt off to get to this mythical place, or maybe I should keep my mouth shut and be content with what I have. Either way, I know that for a week in Honduras on a farm that my work had meaning and my hands built community. At the end of the day, spending time on the porch brought me a bit closer to salvation. Building a porch is building a community.

Congressional Butt-In Today

2011-03-02T05:30:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Please take a moment to partcipate in the Congressional Butt-in. Please review the information in the pdf files provided in the link below. Make one phone call and then you are good to go. You will be connected to each of your representatives and then you can read the script to their office worker whom you speak with. I promise that it makes a difference when we show up in person! They remember!

Congressional Butt-In

Josh

13.1

2011-02-13T13:11:00.000-08:00

Game On!

2011 Mercedes Half-Marathon Finisher

March is Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month

2011-02-10T07:59:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone!

You all are probably well aware of my fight over the past few years with rectal cancer. I am doing better and actually just finished my first calendar year without any chemotherapy! March is colorectal cancer awareness month, and the time has arrived again to send a message to our representatives that we would like to make legislation regarding screening, prevention, and treatment of colorectal cancer a priority. Please visit the links below to find out how you can get involved. There are a number of ways:

1. You can participate in the Call-On-Congress event. This event is super easy and all you have to do is register and you will receive and e-mail explaining what you will do to participate. You will simply call one number on March 2nd and then will be connected to your congressperson's and senators' offices. It should take no more than 10 minutes of your day. Having many people call a representative's office sends a loud message and I promise they are paying attention! More information about this and the registration can be found at:

Congressional Butt-In

2. You can sign up for virtual lobby day and even participate in a web-based training about how you can have your voice heard. This information can be found at:

Virtual Lobby Day

3. You can also take it upon yourself to support local initiatives to expand screening, prevention, and treatment of colorectal cancer. Consider contacting your local representatives in state or local government to promote fighting colorectal cancer.

4. Consider talking to your doctor about your risk for colorectal cancer and schedule a test to screen for the disease if necessary.

Thank you all in advance for your support and participation in this event which is so very important to me.

Peace,
Josh

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T13:27:00.000-08:00

Healthcare Reforms

Christmas Time Catch-Up

2010-12-22T06:21:00.000-08:00

Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.
-Clark Griswald

Lately I felt like I haven't had a chance to come up for air. I know it has been forever since I posted, but everything is going well for me. Of course moving closer to Christmas is difficult for Kimberly as she prepares for the first celebration without her mom. I say celebration, because that is what it is and will always remain. I remember my first Christmas without dad, and it was really tough. However, with time you begin to remember your loved ones with great memories of all the times spent on the holidays. Those memories are precious and I am so happy to have them.

I do not have as many memories of time spent with Andrea, but I assure you that all of the ones I have are held in high regard. Christmas was a special time for Andrea. Welcoming the season of Advent was important to her as a person. Ushering in the meaning of Christ's birth and presence in this world was something she continued throughout the year. I did not always agree with her, but we agreed one hundred percent on God's love for us and the grace of forgiveness and compassion.

Outside of Christmas, I have been extremely busy. I am volunteering with the Alabama SHIP program with the Area Agency on Aging. I am busy doing Medicare counseling with people who need to evaluate their Medicare coverage, or for people who are new to Medicare. I have learned so much about Medicare and have a new appreciation for what it means to have this invaluable program for our society. I know some people will laugh at that statement and rant on about government health care, but without it our senior citizens would be in a heck of a lot of trouble. Not to mention those on disability. It is not perfect, and could use some changes here and there; but it fills such an important gap in our social fabric.

I hope that you all have a safe and happy Christmas and New Year! I hope your holiday season is filled with joy and celebration with family!

Peace,
Josh

Week Prior to Run

2010-10-31T18:38:00.000-07:00

Thought I would make another post to try and get past my anger at Blue Cross and Blue Shield and take away my lead-in banner. This week is my last week prior to the 5K this weekend so at least I have some place I can project that anger.

Still pissed,
Josh

FUCK BLUE CROSS AND BLUE SHIELD!!!

2010-10-28T15:02:00.001-07:00

Enough said.

Some Day We Shall All Be One!

Sam I Am

2010-10-10T09:44:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone!

It has been really hard for us the last few weeks with losing Kimberly's mom. We thank you for all the thoughts and prayers that we know have surrounded us in this time of difficulty. I will post a nice story about the week that Andrea passed in the near future so please be on the look out.

For now, I wanted to let everyone know about a fundraising event that I am participating in for Children's Healthcare of Atlanta. This run/race will help the organization that has assisted and will continue to assist my Cousin's son Sam. If you would like to know more about Sam please visit the blog located to the right (Our First Lil Wimberly). I have been preparing diligently over the past few months by pushing my exercise routine. I began walking shortly after my chemotherapy ended and have now ventured into the world of running. Admittedly, I cannot run very fast, but that is due more to my compromised respiratory system then my motivation. I have learned that to keep up with a running routine I need to tweak my pace and concentrate on my breathing. This has had great benefits for my physical health and my lung function, although still not like it was prior to surgery and removal of half my left lung.

Anyway, I am registered to run the 5K and looking very much forward to it. I would like you all to visit my personal page for the event and consider helping me meet my goal of raising $300 for Sam's team. I want to recommit myself to the idea, as well as, provide encouragement to Sam that physical limitations cannot stop you from accomplishing your goals and objectives if you are determined and committed. The site can be found at:

Josh's Fundraising Page For Sam's Team

Thanks in advance to anyone who contributes!

Peace,
Josh

Memorials

2010-10-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

Mom's funeral went very well. I felt like it was a nice testament to her life, faith and ministry and I was comforted by it. Thank you to everyone who attended.

Some people have asked about memorial gifts. If you would like to make a memorial gift, please direct it to Methodist Children's Homes. The website can be found by clicking below:

Mississippi Methodist Children's Home Donation Site

Thank you.

Funeral Arrangements

2010-10-02T13:09:00.000-07:00

Mom's funeral will be Tuesday 10/5/10 at 11 am at St. Matthew's UMC in Madison, MS. The visitation will be Monday from 6 -8 pm at St. Matthew's and at 10 am prior to the funeral.

Rest In Peace

2010-10-01T14:19:00.000-07:00

I hate to have to write this but Kimberly's mother, Andrea Kersh Johnson, passed away this afternoon. Please keep her and all of us in your thoughts and prayers.

Peace
Josh

Heavy Hearts

2010-09-21T09:23:00.000-07:00

Such a bittersweet journey cancer weaves into our lives. Kimberly and I learned Friday that her mom was diagnosed with acute myeloid luekemia. Her mom will start a chemotherapy regimen this week. It is an inpatient treatment so she will be spending some time at the cancer center in Jackson, MS.

She has created a Caring Bridge page for visitors to offer support. It can be found here.

Caring Bridge Site

Please stop by and sign her guestbook if you would like. I know for a fact that support from others is very beneficial to facing treatment.

Peace,
Josh

Down With Disease

2010-09-13T11:11:00.000-07:00

Well, today I had another CT-scan with no signs of disease!!! The best part is now I have been pushed to scans every 6 months. I get a whole extra two months that will be relatively anxiety-free. I continue to feel blessed and hope that anyone reading this can know that there is a loving, compassionate God. I state this not because I continue to find healing, but because I have learned about the preciousness of life. I hope my experiences bring you closer to understanding what I mean. I hope that my journey might provide you some insight about your spirituality. I will never attempt to hijack your faith with expectations of obedience to my values, but I will call you to humble yourself before the majesty of all of creation. I do not own this knowledge for it exists for all of us to share. We are constantly in an unsure world, surrounded by uncertainty. Together we find our identity. Together we find meaning to suffering. Alone we are nothing. Liberation is the nourishment of our salvation!

I thank everyone for the continued thoughts and prayers.

Peace
Josh

PS. You don't make it in my family without being able to be the butt of jokes; and this loving, compassionate God is not without a really great sense of humor. I can't wait to meet my maker and finally get to throw some of my own punches. Well, the jokes on me in this case. My life truly has become one big pain in the ass! Really funny God....real f*@cking funny!

Summer Update

2010-08-17T06:54:00.001-07:00

Hello Visitors! Interesting thinking about who might still stop by and check on this blog. Friends, family, strangers....oh my! For those reading I hope this finds you in good spirits.

I have continually lamented on here about my lack of keeping this blog updated more often. In all honesty, I have been extremely busy, which is a wonderful thing. I wish I had more tangible evidence of progress in some aspects of my life (ie. school), but hopefully that is on the near horizon.

My health continues to improve which makes me feel blessed more each day. At 3 years since my diagnosis I am entering the meat of the distribution statistically, I believe. Of course, I have never been shy about avoiding what everyone else is doing. Here's to outliers! Freaks!

Survivorship is altogether something I struggle with. On the one hand, I feel blessed everyday to wake up and feel strong enough for a walk. That ritual has become my daily f*#k you cancer mantra. However, on the other hand, the self-reflection of surviving is not always black and white and invites me to confront myself in ways in which I was ill prepared. I guess that is the trick, nobody is prepared for those critical self-reflective moments that life sends. That is what makes them so critical. I believe everyone is called to examine themselves, but for me this has been thrown on its head during the past few years. I suppose what I am getting at is that life became more complex than I had already accepted as possible. And I thought I had pretty radical boundaries for complexity after practicing social work. Seems to me that somewhere in this mess I will continue my life course. I will grow, adapt, learn, love, be loved, mourn, and cherish; never forgetting that one day I will be healed. That is my hope!

Peace,
Josh

Health Care Anyone?

2010-06-25T04:56:00.000-07:00

If anyone is still interested in the healthcare situation our nation faces please take the time to look at the following report comparing the US system to other nations. Like previous posts on the blog, I am not looking to push my view on anyone, but give people the opportunity to inform their views with evidence about the topic.

See the links below:

Report

Charts

Josh

Luckiest Man Alive

2010-06-11T08:25:00.000-07:00

Okay...admittedly I have been away from this blog for far too long. I have a little guilt for a number of reasons. It is not survivor's guilt, per se; but more along the lines of feeling bad that I have not spread good news as quick as the more disappointing. Part of it I know is based in the fact that I am quite afraid to get too cocky about my health.

Overall, the past few months have been filled with a healing that I was unprepared for. I came off the medicine at the end of December and started to let my body try its best to get back to its new normal. I have had three consectutive CT-scans that have shown no signs of cancer. The emotional roller coaster continues but these feelings are alot better than the ones in the depths of nasty medicines.

Most importantly, today is my 5th anniversary with my wonderful wife, Kimberly. I could never be where I am without her love and support. I came to the conclusion that "caregiver" doesn't capture what loved ones do in their capacity to help you heal. Hero seems more appropriate.

Peace,
Josh

P.S. The more I heal the more the downer feeling I was getting starts to fade regarding the idea that I would die before seeing us win a World Cup Championship. Hope lives on!!! GO USA!!!

Latest CT Scan

2010-04-13T14:55:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!

I had a CT scan yesterday and everything was clear except for a growth on my thymus. My chest, abdomen, and pelvis had no signs of further metastasis. The Thymus is located at the bottom of your tongue and is a gland which assists in production of white blood cells. We are going to watch it closely and do another CT scan in 6 weeks. The doctor is a little concerned but very happy with the results from yesterday. We are thinking that the enlarged thymus may be related to all the sinus stuff I have been going through along with the steroids I have been on to treat them.

Overall, great news and feeling good today.

Peace,
Josh

Congressional Butt-In

2010-03-29T16:45:00.000-07:00

Hello All!

Cover Your Butt Website

I wanted to remind those readers out there to please participate in the Congressional Butt-In. Those who participated last year will know how easy it is. You just call the number that is listed, provide your zip code and then you are connected to your representative's office. Let them know you want them to support H.R. 1189 - The Colorectal Cancer Prevention, Early Detection, and Treatment Act!

For those in Alabama please let them know that Representative Bachus is a co-sponsor. For those who are in Bachus' district, please give his office a great big Thank You! If you are in representative Davis' district then let them know that the congressman had co-sponsored the bill in the previous congress but has yet to re-establish his co-sponsorship this go around.

Thanks to all in advance,
Josh

PS. Please forward this information to as many people as you know.

The Wimberlys Go To Washington

2010-03-19T13:59:00.000-07:00

Josh and I spent March 14-18 up in DC for the Colorectal Cancer Coalition's annual Call on Congress. As you may recall, Josh attended the Call on Congress a year ago; that's when his lung collapsed and we found out about the lung tumor. I decided to go with him this year. We stayed with our dear friends Keith and Clare Bolek who just bought an awesome house in Silver Spring, MD. They fed us breakfast and gave us rides back and forth to the Metro station every day. We wouldn't have been able to afford to go if we had had to stay in a hotel room. Thanks Keith and Clare!!!

We got there Sunday night March 14. On Monday, registration for COC, which was held at a hotel in Old Town Alexandria, VA, didn't start until 4:30 that afternoon. So we spent the day seeing the sights in Old Town, which is a really neat place. Unfortunately it was kind of cold and rainy and some of the things we wanted to see were closed on Mondays, but we still had a good time.

We went to visit Christ Church, built in 1773, where George Washington and Robert E. Lee attended (at different times, of course).

The panels on either side of the altar have the Lord's Prayer, Nicene Creed, and Ten Commandments painted on them and have never been redone. In the early days, families bought their own pews. This is the nameplate on George Washington's family pew (not original as all the silver was stolen out of the church during the Civil War):

Due to all the recent rain the Potomac was flooded that morning, but had receded by that afternoon.

We had lunch on Monday with Josh's cousin Shannon and her boys Ben, Sean, and Noah. They just moved to Fairfax, VA because Shannon's husband Mark was transferred there. Shannon came and picked us up for lunch at McDonald's. It was great to see the Farrens!

Then we visited the George Washington Masonic Memorial, built in the 1920's.

Then on Monday night, we had registration and the COC opening dinner. The speaker was Brenda Elsagher, a national keynote speaker, author, and comic who is a colon cancer survivor from Minnesota. She is an amazing and very funny lady! Here she is with Josh:

On Tuesday, we spent the day in training for our visit to Capitol Hill on Wednesday. We learned a lot about advocating for a cause. We were asking our legislators to cosponsor the Colorectal Cancer Prevention, Early Detection, and Treatment Act (HR 1189) introduced by Reps Kay Granger (R-TX) and Patrick Kennedy (D-RI) and the Colorectal Cancer Screening and Treatment Act (HR 1330) introduced by Dan Boren (D-OK). HR 1189 would set up a national screening and prevention program for colorectal cancer similar to what's already in place for breast cancer. HR 1330 would require insurance companies to cover colonoscopies. We also asked for $50 million in funding for the Dept. of Defense's Peer Reviewed Cancer Research Program.

Wednesday, St. Paddy's Day, was our big day on Capitol Hill to ask our legislators to support the abovementioned bills and funding. It was a GORGEOUS day! All C3 advocates were wearing our Cover Your Butt tshirts, which generate a lot of funny looks and opportunities to tell people about our cause.

As we were hanging around in the rotunda of the Russell Senate Office Building waiting for our first appointment, we spotted CNN's Dana Bash getting ready to report live. We wanted to get in the background of her shot but she shooed us out of the way!

Our meetings with the staffs of Sens Shelby and Sessions and Rep. Bachus went very well. We were appreciative of their time during this busy week (in case you're living in a cave, the House is about to vote on the Health Care bill). As we were going into Rep. Bachus's office, the Mayor of Birmingham, William Bell, and most of the Birmingham City Council were on their way out. So we shook the mayor's hand and told him about our cause. Also, there was a copy of the House and Senate versions of the Health Care bill sitting on the desk. Get a load of this:

Do you think anyone has actually read this entire thing???? I seriously doubt it.

The best part of the entire trip is.... we got Representative Bachus to agree to cosponsor HR 1189!!!!! Thank you Mr. Bachus! Participate in our democracy folks, it makes a difference.

After our meetings, we spent some time walking around the National Mall, feeding the seagulls and pigeons, and enjoying the gorgeous weather.

C3 put an article about us on their website. Check it out:

Colorectal Cancer Coalition

Also, we met some advocates from Prevent Colorectal Cancer.org and found out that Josh's testimonial from last year is on their website:

Last but not least, the Congressional Butt-In is scheduled for Tuesday, March 30. Please consider calling your legislators that day to ask for their support. If you live in AL in Rep. Bachus's district, feel free to call him and thank him for cosponsoring HR 1189. If you live in AL but NOT in his district, mention that he is a cosponsor when you call your representative. If you don't live in AL, click on the link below to see if your representative is a cosponsor.

See If Your Representative Is Already a Cosponsor

Go to the link below for more information about the Butt In:

Congressional Butt In Website

Thank you for your support and God bless!

Health Insurance Reform

2010-03-03T06:02:00.000-08:00

I am pretty biased about health care reform. I really would like to see us have a single payer system. I am not ashamed of that desire and I believe that it would benefit us in the long run. There is no such thing as perfection in matters of policy, however, we should not shy away from the challenges we face and how we might address them. I know that this topic is quite volatile right now and, due primarily to the loud voices which devour our attention in all the various forms of media, it has become quite a polarized issue. It is my opinion that this form of dualistic thinking has lead to the stalemate in progress that we as a country face on a broad range of challenges. There is a critical flaw in conceptualizing things as only pro/con, either/or, etc. Critical thinking, to me, involves moving beyond this form of logic and attempting to digest many points of view and synthesizing these various viewpoints into some sort of consensus. I know this is easier said than done and perhaps naive to the politics of power involved in decision making, however, I remain hopeful that this participatory component of our democratic process is what has set our way of life apart from others.

With that said, it is also very important to understand that not everyone has the same life experiences. What I mean by that, is that not everyone has experienced serious illness and how that might influence how they understand the business of insurance coverage. Kimberly and I recently did our taxes and our out of pocket health expenses for 2009 were a little over $17,000; and we have insurance coverage. That is on top of the $500 a month we pay in premiums. That is almost 35% of our income. (Yeah...maybe TMI but it has blown me away these past few years) I am just not convinced that some people have grasped what it means to get seriously ill in our society and the burdens that are placed on individuals and families when this occurs. Most people's thinking about insurance revolves around co-payments for simple doctor's visits and relatively inexpensive prescriptions for medicines like antibiotics. What do we say about ourselves when the leading cause of bankruptcies are due to medical expenses...with most of these folks having insurance coverage?

Please know that I am not advocating against any political perspective when I try and speak about this issue. I recognize my bias and reflect upon the danger present in self-righteousness that often accompanies my conclusions. I do not think that I am right and others are wrong, for that is the same example of dualism with which I am railing against. I know that many of my friends, colleagues, and family members think differently than I do in regards to this matter of policy. I hope that I show those that differ from me respect in matters of difference. I hope that I can show how I have attempted to infuse their points of view into my view, although I admit I am not always successful in this endeavor.

Further, I am a strong proponent of the free market system. However, I am not convinced that free is synonymous with fair, and fairness is something we as a society should maintain as an achievable goal. Nor do I believe that the free market has the capacity to handle every aspect of social organization, as some would advocate. The well-being of individuals and society at large cannot be solely directed by theories of supply and demand. There are too many confounding interactions which moderate supply and demand that are outside the control of individuals and groups within our culture. I understand that some would advocate that unfettered free market principles would "naturally" address these, but I think that is too simplistic of an argument and minimizes underlying existing discrepancies.

I also understand that no one wants the government making decisions for us regarding aspects of our lives, especially those decisions about our health. This is a fundamental tenet of our society which has been present ever since some folks decided to sail across the ocean, drop loads of tea in the harbor, and eventually declare independence. However, as it presently stands (and I speak from my personal experience) I am not comfortable with insurance companies and their accountants making those same medical decisions either. That is my honest assessment of how things exist presently. These companies vested interests lie in procuring profits for their shareholders which at times involves limiting care for many vulnerable people.

We have proven many times in the past that we can overcome barriers and seek compromise on difficult issues. We have shown resolve in the past in the face of adversity. We will, together, address this problem and find workable solutions to the many aspects of health care which demand reform. There is no room for maintaining the status quo. If we choose this path then it will be to our economic detriment for costs are rising too high far too quickly and sustainability is impossible. I promise to continue listening to others who differ from me and seeking common ground. I hope the same is afforded to me.

Peace,
Josh

Sinus Surgery

2010-02-25T16:15:00.000-08:00

Josh's sinus surgery went fine this morning. He had to be there at 5:00 so he was the first one and didn't have to wait too long with nothing to eat. It took about 20 minutes. They removed part of his septum which was blocking the opening to his maxillary sinus and keeping it from healing up from the surgery in October. Hopefully today was the last surgery he'll have to have for a long time (or ever)! Alot of the surgical staff know him now. "Oh hi, it's you again!" It's sad. He's doing pretty good now, it didn't bleed a whole lot and doesn't hurt as bad as last time and they didn't have to pack his nose with the "nose tampons." So hopefully soon he'll post about finishing up his dissertation proposal.

On another note, we've been participating in EFM (Education for Ministry) classes every Tuesday night at church. No, we're not becoming priests. It's a 4 year curriculum developed by Sewanee to equip lay people for ministry. The first year is spent studying Hebrew scripture. We also did spiritual autobiographies and will be doing theological reflections; it's more than just bible study, it's a group process as well. We have a great group and we've really enjoyed it so far. Josh is the only guy but he's used to that being a social worker. So far I've become totally confused about what sin is... I guess I just never spent that much time thinking about it before. :)

Peace,
Kimberly

Fun Times

2010-02-14T08:31:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone, it's been a while, huh? We're doing well, just had a very fun week involving Mardi Gras and Josh's birthday. We went to Mobile last Tuesday for the LaShe Ball as guests of Queen Marilyn, who is Josh's best friend Wade's stepmother. For those of you who aren't familiar with Mardi Gras associations, it's a very big deal to be the Queen. It was really cold that night (for Mobile). We had VIP tickets to the tableau and the ball and had a wonderful time. Wade and Mary's kids, Westbrook and Llandis, had a part in the tableau and got to ride in a chariot. They did amazingly well. Here are a few pictures from that night:

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The day after the ball, we met Savannah, David, and Ellis at La Pizzeria for lunch. Ellis is getting so big!

Then Thursday, we went to Atlanta with Steve, Ivy, and Albert to see Them Crooked Vultures at the Tabernacle. It was an awesome show!! They are a relatively new band consisting of Dave Grohl, John Paul Jones, and Josh Homme. John Paul Jones did an amazing keyboard solo. Unfortunately we didn't take any pictures. We stayed at the Glenn Hotel which is 2 blocks from the CNN Center and a nice place to stay. After the show, we went out (on foot, in the freezing cold) to celebrate Josh's birthday. Then we drove home in the great Southern blizzard Friday.

On the medical front, Josh finished up chemo (hopefully forever) on 12/28/09. Unfortunately, his sinuses STILL aren't healed from the sinus surgery in October, so he's having a second sinus surgery 2/24/10. They are going to remove some tissue from his septum to allow the sinuses to heal better (somehow). It shouldn't be too major, hopefully he won't have to spend the night in the hospital.

Our next big adventure will be going to DC 3/14/10-3/18/10 for the Colorectal Cancer Coalition's Call on Congress. This is the same thing that Josh went to last year when his lung collapsed on the plane and we found out about the lung metastasis. I decided to join him this year. I'm really looking forward to it as I haven't been back to DC since we were there 6 years ago doing our internships and falling in love. We'll be staying with Clare and Keith so I'm very much looking forward to seeing them as well.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Peace,
Kimberly

CT Scan Today

2009-12-07T08:05:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I had another CT scan this morning and everything was clear as far as cancer. There was some concern in my right lung of another infection. The doctor thinks the inflammation is an infection from drainage from my sinus issues. So, another round of antibiotics and some vigilant watching. Hopefully after my chemotherapy is finished up my body will get a chance to catch up on immune system functioning.

As far as chemotherapy, doc still wants to finish up the last two so I will have one next Monday and then one on the 28th. Hopefully, that will wrap up my chemo experience...at least I can keep my fingers crossed. I was hoping to have a nice time on New Years this year, but I am not sure that I will feel up to doing much. Oh well, I guess there is next year!

Hope everyone is doing well and gearing up for the holidays!

Peace,
Josh

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-24T04:44:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving this week. I hope you find time to remember all that you have to be thankful for. God has certainly blessed me with his grace, but yet I tend to overlook many of those wonderful gifts at times. This time of year gives me an opportunity to really reflect on all the things that sustain my life and give me joy.

On the health front, I am still recuperating from the sinus surgery. The doctor said that this procedure takes awhile to heal from and that it will take me a bit longer given that I am on immuno-suppressants. I have pretty much been visiting the ENT every week still to have them clean out the stuff. It has grown increasingly painful as the area continues to heal. Seriously, you would not believe what comes out of there. I never had any idea our sinuses were that large. Anyway, the pain I get generally is toothaches and headaches. They are not incapacitating but it is like a dull aching pain for a long time. The pain from the procedures is them digging around in there and hitting all those nerves that are in there...the same ones your dentists hits every once and awhile. Not to mention you have to remain really still when your first instinct is to jerk when you get that jolt of sharp pain. Usually I am holding my co-payment receipt in my hand from when I paid at check-in and by the time I leave the office it is balled and crumpled all up from me squeezing all life out of it.

Anyway, upward an onward! I look forward to seeing some friends and family this week and getting a good meal or two in. Then it is back to chemo Monday and starting it all over again....sigh! I am so looking forward to a chemo vacation.

Peace,
Josh

Hanging In There

2009-11-05T13:45:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I just got finished with my last chemo treatment yesterday. Things are moving along in that front. I am not quite sure how many more I have left, but hopefully will wrap up in January. I really hate doing them, but I know I have to follow through on my end of the treatment. I don't have another scan until December, so we will have to wait and see how things turn out. I know that my nerves will be in shambles around that time, but I am actually more afraid of the time when I am furthest away from a treatment.

The sinus front is definitely improving. I have been seeing the ENT every week to have them remove scarring and scabbing. It is really amazing what kinda stuff they pull outta there. Everyone who had talked to me about their sinus surgeries told me I would be surprised and they are right. Today was hopefully the last day that I will have to go through that process. We were able to get out the last of the scabbing this morning and it was the roughest one yet.

I hope everyone is doing well out there. No word yet on my comps results. I will give my committee another week before I start pressing for some feedback.

Peace,
Josh

Just Got Home

2009-10-16T11:55:00.000-07:00

Kimberly just brought me home from the hospital. We thought it was going to be outpatient surgery but they kept me overnight to make sure the bleeding stopped okay. The ENT stated that it was pretty gross up in there. He had to clean out all 8 sections of my sinuses with one place having a "golf-ball" sized amount of fungus. He also said they removed quite a few polyps from around the areas. I am still bleeding a bit and draining down my throat, but the packing in my nose is helping. It looks like I have gotten my nose broken in a fight. I return on Monday to have my packing removed and potentially restart my chemotherapy. I am awaiting word from my oncology nurse about that because they may want me to reschedule. I called earlier and stated that I needed to have my packing removed before I do my chemo to avoid getting sick with the ENT. They mentioned that the chemo chairs are reserved and they may not be able to move the times around. Either way, the chemo will start soon.

On another note, I successfully defended my annotated bibliography on Wednesday. It had been a really long time coming. I am scheduled to take my comprehensive exams on the 27th and 28th. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Peace,
Josh

Surgery Thursday

2009-10-13T04:33:00.000-07:00

Kimberly and I returned from a trip to Arkansas to visit with her family. Her grandmother lives in Heber Springs which is located in the foothills of the Ozarks. Although we missed the fall colors by about a week, the scenery was beautiful. We enjoyed a rafting trip down the Buffalo River and also got to see a bluegrass show at the Ozark Folk Center in Mountain View, AR. On the way back we stopped and stayed a day with my Aunt who lives in Clarendon, AR which is located about an hour and a half East of Memphis in the delta. I will post some pictures soon!

I say my ENT doc again yesterday. We are going ahead with surgery this Thursday. The procedure will take about 3 hours and hopefully will clear up all the infection that I have been suffering from. Maybe suffering is a harsh word, but it has been driving me crazy for awhile. The medicine has helped over the past few weeks. There is still evidence that something is wrong, but at least I have regained some sense of smell.

I will post an update after the procedure if I feel up to it.

Take care everyone!
Josh

ENT Visit

2009-09-28T12:57:00.000-07:00

I saw the ENT today and they took a look up in my nose with a scope. The good news is that it looks like it is probably a fungal infection. The doctor said this is not uncommon for folks who are on immuno-suppressants. I will have to undergo a surgery in a couple of weeks to clear all the junk out and remove some tissue that has built up around the infection. They will biopsy the tissue in that area at the time of the surgery, but the ENT mentioned that he did not see anything that looked suspicious in the scope they did today. Not completely out of the woods on that one, but much relieved. He stated that in his years of practice that he can only remember one case where a person with colorectal cancer had metastasis to the sinuses.

Anyway, I don't have to do treatment this week. As odd as it sounds, I do not like that. I really want to maintain my treatment regimen schedule. I do not want cancer getting this idea that it is getting a free ride. I have likened this to a boxing match sometimes. Cancer throws some punches, then I throw some punches...and so on. Of course you would hope for a KO with your initial punches, but that hasn't worked out for me. However, that doesn't mean that I am not in this fight to win. Anyhow...I'm taking an equipment timeout, cancer, so go to your corner and wait for the match to resume!

Josh

Update

2009-09-27T09:53:00.000-07:00

I have an appointment scheduled to see and ENT on Monday at 10:00. I am not sure what we are going to do, but I am guessing that it will merely be an evaluation and possibly schedule a time to complete the biopsy. I am not sure what to think anymore about cancer, I just know that it sucks. Some of the best advice that I was given and that I share with other patients is that it is not a sprint but a marathon.

Peace,
Josh

Biopsy Needed

2009-09-25T13:05:00.000-07:00

I had a CT scan on Thursday and they took a closer look at my sinuses. I heard from my doctor today and he is going to refer me to an ENT doctor to have a closer look and do a possible biopsy. I asked my doctor if he thought it was metastasis and he was still hesitant in his assessment. He, again, mentioned that that was very rare and that he would lean toward a bacterial infection or fungal infection. Although, he did say that we needed to be vigilant and take a look. On the bright side, I will not have to complete my treatment scheduled for Monday. I am waiting for the doctor to call and tell me what the plan is for my biopsy.

I will post as soon as I find out when everything is scheduled. Please keep your fingers crossed for me.

Peace,
Josh

Checking In

2009-09-18T06:57:00.000-07:00

Hello world!

It has been a little while since I posted. I began my treatment on Monday and things are going alright. I did get sick this week on Wednesday when I removed my pump after having it for a couple of days. I am pretty nauseated and most food tastes pretty bad. I am soldiering on, but thinking about doing this for 4 months sucks!!

I hope everyone out there is doing well. Hopefully I will update the blog more frequently.

Peace,
Josh

If Your Looking For More Than Shouting

2009-08-29T05:14:00.000-07:00

Here is a link that has some research conducted by the Urban Institute which was supported by The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. It contains some statistical analysis of models of proposed health care reforms. Each of these analyses are applied to four separate groups who make up the uninsured in this country (Non-elderly, parents, childless adults, and children). If you are interested then take a look and spend a few minutes reading the briefs.

RWJF Link

At Least It Will Be Football Season

2009-08-17T08:45:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!

I just got back from my doctor's appointment. Everything looked good on my lab work. All functions are normal and counts are within range. The bad news is that chemotherapy will last for four months starting in mid-September. That is a long time to think about. I will be on the same medicine, which is good since I tolerated it alright, but I am still down about how long it will last.

On another note, I am having the doctors take a closer look at my sinuses. There had been a suspicious spot there on the PET scan earlier this year and then we started chemo with Avastin. Then I got the blood clot which put me on blood thinners. Then I started hemorrhaging from my nose and they removed the blood thinner. Then the bleeding decreased but continued from my left nostril when I blew my nose. They suspected that it was due to blood clots from the Avastin. Although the bleeding has decreased tremendously from before it is still present. So I asked them to take a closer look on my next CT-scan to see if there is anything that looks suspicious. Keep your fingers crossed that it is just some blood clotting from the Avastin.

Peace,
Josh

Braves Game

2009-08-13T12:44:00.000-07:00

I met my friend Wade and his son Westbrook in Atlanta for a Braves game Tuesday night. It was Westbrook's first Braves game and we all had a blast. Wade and I had been planning to go before my surgery but scheduling never worked out, so we were able to squeeze it in before summer was up. The game was great and the Braves beat-up on the Nationals 8-1.

Just to check-in with everyone, my recovery continues. I am getting much better regarding my pain and the incision is healing up nicely. I can still tell some minor differences in breathing, but I am sure that it will continue to improve as well. I see my oncologist on Monday and we schedule my follow-up chemotherapy. I will keep everyone updates about how that goes.

Take care and hope everyone is doing alright!

Peace,
Josh

Getting Better

2009-07-31T11:43:00.000-07:00

I am still slowly recovering. My pain in my chest when I breath is getting much better. I can still tell a difference on deep breaths and such, but it is not as sharp and acute. The pain at the incision site is still taking a little time to heal and hurts the most. It is just so damn hard to get comfortable where it is at. Hopefully, by the end of next week it will be feeling better and my range of motion with my left arm will improve.

I hope everyone is doing alright. I am still humbled at the support that has been shown to me by everyone! Kimberly and I both feel very blessed!

Peace
Josh

Recovering

2009-07-28T11:10:00.000-07:00

I am at home slowly recovering. Things are going alright with a few minor hiccups...pun intended. I had the hiccups last night twice, each for about 10 minutes. It hurt so bad that it finally stopped being sharp pain and became a constant burn in my chest. Hiccups are definitely worse that sneezes and coughs. I am sleeping okay, but having a hard time getting comfortable given where my incision site is located. It is located mostly on my upper left back down across my back under my arm. Kimberly will help me remove my dressing from my drainage tube site tonight. Once this is removed it will need to be left uncovered. The incision site is closed with glue and tape which will come off slowly with each shower. Once we remove my dressing today I can take a light shower. I have only had a sponge bath once since last Wednesday so this will be really nice. Breathing is strange at times. It still hurts to take deep breaths and sometimes I have to slow down and catch my breath. But besides the pain, everything seems the same. Of course, I have yet to really exert myself and I am sure that this would do a number on me right now. I will give that time and see how my body adjusts.

Overall, pain management has been the issue on this go around. I am okay at home, but for awhile at the hospital that was a real issue. I originally received an epidural on the morning of surgery. This was really nice and worked well leading into the OR. I did not feel anything from my neck down to my abdomen. This is the main form of pain management for people undergoing thoracic surgery. On the way from the surgery table to to gurney to transport me to recovery I lost my epidural in an accident. Not sure what happened, but I was not too upset about it. Shit happens! The problem was that they could not redo one. It is a one shot deal prior to surgery. With an epidural, throughout my stay at the hospital if I got pain I could send medicine through and numb my nerves and kill the pain. Since I lost it that meant they changed my pain management plan. I was put on oral pain meds for long lasting pain management and dilaudid for breakthrough pain. My first daytime nurse did not seem to understand this. She kept telling me to use my button, which would only last about twenty minutes and then I was hurting again. When I asked for oral meds she would tell me to use my button which is stronger medicine. This is true, but the medicine she was telling me to use was short term and wore off so quickly. Anyway, after trying to get things across to the nurse with little success I was serendipitously visited by the social worker who I explained things to. She mentioned that the nurse needed to change her attitude around and also noted some things that the nurse did that were against protocol and really dangerous (for one, giving Kimberly my meds at the desk to take to me). I was then visited by the charge nurse and a patient advocate from the hospital. Long story short, this was not my best stay at the hospital. Not the worst, but I guess they cannot all be great! I still have high marks for UAB.

In conclusion, thanks to everyone who has continued to pray for my recovery and well-being. I am on the mend again and hopefully will be back on my feet in a few weeks.

Peace,
Josh

Josh is home!

2009-07-26T13:34:00.000-07:00

Josh was discharged at around noon today. They took out his drainage tube this morning and he says he's a lot more comfortable now, but still in pain from the incision, of course. No staples or stitches this time, just this tape stuff that's supposed to fall off on its own after awhile. We'll see how that goes. Anyway, Josh is very glad to be home, and Stanley is elated to have his favorite lap back. I'll be going back to work tomorrow and Josh's mom will be staying for a couple days. Thanks to all our visitors in the hospital: Father Charles, Deacon Lou and Deb Linam who sat with us during the surgery; Josh's cousins Kim, Jason, Chris, Kathy and their son Sam; Bryan and Neal. It's so nice to have people to chat with to take your mind off the hospital for awhile. Thanks again to everyone who's called, texted, sent cards, etc. We feel loved.

Peace,
Kimberly

Surgery Went Well

2009-07-24T15:41:00.000-07:00

Josh is recovering well from his surgery Thursday. They had a clear enough margin to only remove the lower left lobe, not the entire lung, so that was great news. He's in a good bit of pain but handling it like a trooper as always. I thought the incision was going to be on his side but actually it's diagonal across the upper left half of his back (where they cut in between the ribs). It looks like he got in a knife fight with a sneaky man. This time he was up and walking 4 hrs after the surgery was finished. He said that while this is painful, it's not as bad as the surgery 2 years ago. They say he'll probably be discharged Sunday, maybe Monday. For you local folks, he's up to having some visitors tomorrow (Saturday), just call us ahead of time. I'm very glad to be home and looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight after 36 hrs at the hospital. Josh's mom is pulling the night shift tonight. I'll be back up there tomorrow morning. Thanks to everybody for your prayers and good wishes. We'll post again soon.

Peace,
Kimberly

Countdown

2009-07-21T07:43:00.000-07:00

Well, a little less than 48 hours and I will probably be in surgery. Kimberly and I both are very nervous and having trouble getting a good night's sleep. I am sure that is not abnormal, but still difficult nonetheless. I go to the doctor tomorrow afternoon to complete another pulmonary functioning test so they can have another measure prior to surgery. After that visit I go and sign the paperwork with the surgeon and get all the nitty-gritty stuff done. After that I go to my pre-admissions visit and talk with people about anesthesia. You would think after all I have been through that they would know the answers to the same questions they ask me everytime. But, oh well. Then tomorrow evening we are going to a healing service at church that we have every Wednesday night followed by dinner somewhere. That will be my last meal before going on hospital food for awhile...no fun.

Anyway, this will probably be my last post until after discharge unless something happens between now and surgery. Wish me well and look for Kimberly to post on how I am doing post-op.

Peace,
Josh

Anxiety and Fear

2009-07-17T07:21:00.000-07:00

I am starting to get really nervous. I know it is normal, but I am beginning to get really edgy. I try and keep myself busy but there is no escape. I finished some tests on Wednesday and the rest are scheduled for this coming Wednesday, a day before the surgery. Everything is on schedule and I will find out the exact time of the surgery when I visit the doctor to sign the paperwork on Wednesday. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I am sure everything will go as planned, but I can't help but worry. I will probably be in the hospital for 4-5 days. I heard from someone who has had tumors removed from her lung that they give you and upper epiderel. She said that it hurts like hell when you wake up. I guess the hardest recovery part is letting your ribs heal. They go through under my arm between some ribs with a 6 inch cut. I have been through some major surgery before so I am sure I will be fine. Pain usually goes away, not always, but usually.

Peace,
Josh

Bill Moyers On Healthcare Reform

2009-07-13T05:56:00.001-07:00

There was a good episode of Bill Moyers' Journal that aired this weekend about healthcare reform. If you did not get a chance to watch it then please follow the links and sit through the videos online. There are some good pieces about the issues regarding reform that seem to be left out of the discussion. I am sure some people will deny watching this citing some sort of bias, but please take the time and at least watch the video of the interview with Mr. Potter who was formerly a public relations executive for an insurance company. You can navigate the different videos by clicking on the one you would like to watch at the top of the cue on the Bill Moyers site.

The videos can be seen at:

http://www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/07102009/watch.html

Bronchoscopy

2009-07-11T04:30:00.000-07:00

Spoke to the thoracic surgeon yesterday afternoon about his interpretation of the bronchoscopy. He stated that the chemotherapy had definitely done some good. He was hopeful that there would not have to be a total left lung resection, but that he felt it was best that we planned for it just in case. He said that he just would not know until they were able to get in there and see what the margins looked like when they started cutting. Everything is on schedule for the 23rd. I have to do a few tests first. One test I have already done before, which is the breathing test which measures my lung function. The other test is done in radiology and entails a measurement of how much oxygen each lung is capable of providing for my body. The doctor said they have to do this test in anyone who is potentially losing a whole lung. Simply stated, they have to make sure my right lung has the ability to provide the oxygen my body needs to function. He said that he does not anticipate me having any problems given my age.

On another note, I saw my oncologist and they decided to take me off the blood thinners given that I was hemorrhaging from my nose. He said that hopefully the medicine had jump started my body's own anti-coagulant abilities and that the clot was hopefully dissipated. I can anectdotally tell that things have improved with my neck movement and there is no more pain. We will watch vigilantly for any signs of another clot. He also stated that there is a lower probability of the clot moving to my lungs given that it was above my shoulders. The medicine is out of your system almost immediately and I can tell a huge difference. I have had no nose bleeds since I discontinued the regimen. Hopefully it will be no worries once the port is removed. Although, given that I have experienced a blood clot will make the doctors decision to give me avastin after surgery more complicated. He said he would have to think about it and that he was going to be cautious. Honestly, I would rather take the chance of another blood clot and continue on the medicine that helped shrink my tumor in half. Cancer makes you crazy like that!

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing alright. It has really been hot around here and I am sure most of you all also are experiencing the summer weather where you are. Hope to talk with everyone soon,

Josh

PS. Jamarcus, if you are reading this it was good to hear from you. Thanks for the comment and the prayer. You should consider doing the Leadership College again. I am pretty sure we are going to have it. I hope to be back on my feet by that time so that I can participate. I kept my promise to you and came and watched you guys play Parker (at Parker) this past season. Unfortunately, their offense was a little too much for you guys. You played well, but my advice would be to establish your position underneath more aggressively. I am not saying play dirty, but be more forceful is standing your ground under the basket. Your tall enough to be getting some offensive rebounds and getting high percentage shots. Take care and keep up your hard work.

Okay...So About The Nosebleeds

2009-07-06T06:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I originally posted that the nosebleeds were not to terribly bad to put up with. I would like to retract that posting and provide an update. They are pissing me off and becoming too frequent. I am having blood in my nose build up and cause extreme pressure in my left sinus. If I don't blow it out then it starts to gush out at about the point when the pressure is debilitating. Other times I don't get any pressure build up and my nose just starts pouring blood. I am averaging a nose bleed about every three hours now and they last anywhere from 3 minutes to 15 minutes. I have called my nurse this morning just to make sure that there is nothing serious going on. I really don't think I can put-up with this for six months....sigh.

Oh yeah, our fourth was a pity party. Kimberly was sick and I had nosebleeds. But, we managed to go pick up some bbq and enjoy a little bit of our nations birthday. Plus, the benefit was a success and we had a great time.

Josh

Nose Bleeds and Neck Pain

2009-07-02T09:22:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! Thought I would post an update since it has been awhile since I last wrote. I am glad Kimberly kept everyone informed about my hospital stay. Everything is going alright for me except for the neck and head pain, and a few nose bleeds. The nose bleeds are weird. The really come out of nowhere. I will be sitting there and all of a sudden it feels like my nose is getting severe post nasal drip. Then I look down and there is blood on the floor, shirt, desk, etc. The usually end pretty soon after they start so no major damage done, just strange to deal with. The shots are not that bad and I am doing better than expected and self-administering them. The needles are not that large and the hardest part is being confident with the piercing. You soon learn that being a wuss about piercing causes more anxiety that just going for it and stabbing yourself. Once the needle is in the hard part is over. On a positive note about the shots, at least I can continue to make use of my hazardous materials wastebasket now that I am not doing chemo. It was beginning to look lonely in the bathroom. Now it has a task.

Tomorrow we will be going to the benefit in Tuscaloosa for myself and Susan, who works in the school of social work. She has been battling melanoma for about the same amount of time that I have been battling my cancer. She is currently receiving some guidance in treatment from MD Anderson in Houston and we are wishing her the best in her treatment. There will be fun to be had tomorrow and we look forward to sharing the night with many friends who are showing support.

Have a happy 4th of July everyone!

Josh

Home again

2009-06-29T12:55:00.000-07:00

Josh was discharged today. He'll have to stay on injectible blood thinners for about 6 months (the med is called Lovenox). The pain/swelling in his neck is much better but not completely gone, which I guess means the clot is shrinking but not completely gone. His head hurts too, but the doctor assured me that doesn't mean the clot is moving up; it's in a vein so if it went anywhere it would go to his lungs. (Not that that would be great either.) But he's okay for now and the surgery for next month should still go on as planned. We're both VERY glad to be home.

Blood Clot

2009-06-27T14:47:00.000-07:00

Josh is back at his home away from home... UAB Hospital. He'd been having pain in his neck around the port area for about 4 days. It got worse and was red and swollen also this morning, so he called the oncall dr. who told him to go to the ER because it could be an infection or blood clot at the port site. Turns out it's the latter. So they admitted him to the hospital and started him on blood thinners. They want to try to leave the port in if possible because he still has to do more chemo after surgery, but if the blood thinners don't do the trick they'll remove the port. He'll be in the hospital at least over the weekend. Keep us in your prayers--
Kimberly

Surgery Update

2009-06-24T09:12:00.000-07:00

Hello everybody. Thought I would post a minor update to all who are following. I spoke with my thoracic surgeon today and he will be out of town on the 17th. That is the day after we had tentatively scheduled my surgery. He stated that he would prefer to push it back a week so that he would be around the day after the surgery in case there were complications. I concurred with him about that and so now we are looking to do it on the 23rd. I still have my bronchoscopy on the 9th which will give them some planning about what we will be looking at in the surgery.

Hope everyone is alright and having a good summer!

Peace,
Josh

BEACH!!

2009-06-18T05:56:00.001-07:00

Hello Everyone!

Kimberly and I just returned from Fort Morgan, AL where we enjoyed the beach with our good friends Jeff & Jamie and their kids, Sophia and Wesley. We were also joined by some of their extended families throughout our stay. We were located about a mile from Fort Morgan and the house was right on the beach. The weather was perfect the whole time we were there. We got no rain and there was hardly ever any cloud cover. Could not have asked for more. We got some good R&R in time for my surgery and recovery.

While we were there we did many fun things. We ate well, spent many hours basking in the sun, swimming in the gulf, riding go-karts, playing mini-golf, and crab watching at night. Also, Kimberly got her first ferry ride on our way there and then got another on the way back. I was able to spend about 5-6 hours working on my sand castle empire for two days (see video). The first day Sophia and I built the "Empire of the Turtle" which was eroded by the next day. The second day we all pitched in for the remainder of the castle empire. By day two the "Empire of the Turtle" had lost its front wall from beach erosion from the night before so it became the ruins of the castle empire. It was all located on a cliff of beach so it ended up being pretty cool. I finished it off with some roads and forests, a terraced gorge, as well as, a sea shell barrier. I got many lookers throughout the day who stopped by to enjoy the work, but during the night of day two someone came by and destroyed the masterpiece which was non-existent on morning three.

Peace,
Josh

Happy Anniversary To Us!

2009-06-11T07:42:00.000-07:00

Today marks our fourth wedding anniversary. There are not many words I can use to describe what Kimberly means to me and how much our lives together has been a blessing. She remains my rock in times of struggle. She encourages me when I'm down, cares for me when I'm weak, and loves me always.

I love you Kimby!

Peace,
Josh

Mt. Cheaha Slideshow

2009-06-09T07:28:00.000-07:00

Here is a little bit of the fun my friends and I had at Cheaha. These are some pictures and a quick video snippet set to one of the songs we recorded while up there. Again, if you ever get the chance it is a great place to visit.

Peace.
Josh

Up Yours Cancer!

2009-06-08T10:59:00.000-07:00

Good news...they are going to take my lung out. Yes, you can laugh.

My Ct-scan showed good response to the chemotherapy. My tumor shrank by half and there were no signs of further metastasis. This means that we can move forward with a surgical intervention. I will hear soon about my scheduled visit with the surgeon and then I will meet with him and discuss our game plan. I have to wait 4-6 weeks from the last infusion of Avastin before I can undergo a surgery. That will put me having surgery probably some time next month.

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers and keep them coming.

Talk to everyone soon!
Josh

Checking-In

2009-06-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone. I have been remiss in updating the blog lately. Kimberly last post about our goings-on. I am still here and starting to feel a little like normal after the three chemo treatments. I have a follow-up CT-scan on Monday with a doctor's visit. This will be the moment of truth, I think, about whether further treatment options are available. I believe that if there is no growth in the tumor, or metastasis, that I can push for surgery and possibly radiation. Any other situation will probably lead to more chemotherapy and the lesser likelihood of any surgical intervention at that point. I am hopeful that we will get good news on Monday.

Please say a prayer for me that everything goes as well as it can. I will post with results and thoughts on Monday.

Peace
Josh

We're still here....

2009-05-27T16:25:00.000-07:00

Hey folks, sorry we haven't been posting much lately. Josh is getting his 3rd and final (for now anyway) chemo treatment as we speak. He is nauseous and has a headache but this time around is not NEARLY as bad as last year. He is losing his hair this time, though. He's really not worried about it... we just gave him a buzz cut last weekend. In other news, we had a great Memorial Day weekend in Port St. Joe, FL, with our friends Steve and Ivy and their friend Art. We were worried it was going to rain the entire weekend, but we got some sun/good beach weather on Sunday, and I let my neck get sunburned (insert redneck joke here).

Here are a few pics from the weekend:

Steve administering aforementioned buzz cut

Pretty sunset

Josh has a PET scan and sees the doctor on June 8th. Please pray for good results. Take care everybody!

Peace,
Kimberly

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T16:06:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody, hope everyone has had a good Mother's Day weekend. Josh and I went to Mobile for a barbeque in honor of his grandmother Bertie Williams (aka Nanny). Nanny has leukemia and is not doing well, so please say a prayer for her. We also went to Spring Hill College's graduation to see our friend Jeff Marston graduate. Congratulations Jeff!

Here is a picture of the Williams family:

Cheaha

2009-05-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

Some old friends and I traveled to Cheaha State Park outside Anniston. We decided to trek up there with some music equipment and hope to not get kicked out. We were in a rented chalet the park has and it seemed to work out well. The weather was not the best for folks looking to make use of the park on Saturday....wet, rainy, and foggy. So, loud music was not a problem. Plus, there appeared to be a large amount of bikers up there for a get-together. I am pretty sure that there is some biker "code of ethics" that would be violated were one to complain about noise. Everything went well...there were no complaints, no uncontrollable fires, no damaged property, or emergency room visits. Getting old, huh.

Although we did not take in the many attractions available at the park, there did seem to be some interesting things to do there in the future. It was very secluded and represents the highest point in Alabama. The drive in was pretty scenic as well.

I must say that playing music lifted me up a little. Chemo can bring you down and make you feel like shit. Even though I was dealing with the side effects of the medicine, the combo of playing music and visiting with old friends was uplifting to say the least.

Peace
Josh

Round 1 Complete

2009-04-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

I officially finished my 46 hour chemo treatment this morning. The machine woke me up from a nap with an increasingly loud beep. I did not sleep well last night because my stomach finally started to disagree with the medicine. This was to be expected. Anyway, I had to remove the medicine bag line and then flush my line with saline followed by heparin. The saline flushes the line out and then the heparin keeps blood from clotting in the port. I wonder if I should answer in the affirmative now when I am asked on medical screens if I have ever been or am currently an IV drug user? After the initial flushing was complete I then had to remove the needle and tube. It is a rather ingenious little butterfly contraption. You grab the wings and pull outward away from the port and the wings collapse around the needle leaving it unexposed. Then I discarded everything into my medical waste bucket with hazardous symbols on the side. I left the bucket in our master bath, but maybe I should move it to the guest bath just to freak people out when they visit. I guess that is a little mean...ha ha! I was also thinking that I should put some other things down in my bucket just to fuck with the people who have to empty them. Nothing dangerous, just maybe some dirty old socks or underwear...or maybe a decapitated barbie doll. That should get their head spinning.

Anyway, hope everyone is well!

Peace,
Josh

Round 1

2009-04-28T04:53:00.000-07:00

I started my treatment yesterday and it continues as we speak. I arrived yesterday at the clinic at about 7:15. I had blood drawn and then was taken back to the treatment area. The port is really nice and makes my life much easier. They are able to draw blood from it and then send it over to the lab. Only the nurses in the treatment room can draw the blood, not the normal lab folks. That means that I get a recliner sooner rather than staying in the waiting room for my blood work to be complete. They also have to do a urine analysis every time to check for some kidney functioning for one of the new medicines I take, Avastin. The last time I did chemo I was receiving medicine for about two hours. This time it is around four hours. Then I am sent home with my last medicine which pumps into my body for 46 hours. I am attached to it as I type. It comes with a medicine bag, pump, fluid lines, and a fanny pack. That right baby...the fanny pack is back!!! Ha ha!

The pharmacist who visited me in the chemo room had to teach me about the pump. They give you a medical waste bucket to take home along with a chemo-spill kit. Imagine a nuclear waste site gear and you will have an idea of the spill kit. He gave me all these instructions about what to do if any chemo spills. I think I am cleared to work at Yucca mountain now. Really helps me feel better about it going in my body...ha ha! Actually, he stated that he has never had anyone to have to use their spill kit.

Knock on wood, I am doing okay this morning. I have experienced some headaches and some nauseau, but nothing extremely painful or sickening. I know that this is the first treatment and it builds up over time so I am cautious in my assessment. It sucks to be back in that damn treatment room! I still cannot bring myself to eat the peanut butter crackers they offer you, since I developed an aversion to them the first time.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Peace
Josh

Countdown

2009-04-24T13:15:00.000-07:00

I am starting to get a little anxious on the unknown. Monday starts the chemotherapy and I want to believe that I will handle this cocktail of medicine differently, but my brain will not let go of what I went through last time. I am pretty sure that the first round will not be too difficult, absent a few minor side effects and maybe a hangover. Whatever happens I will deal with it and take it on!

Remember, patience is practiced, knowledge is gained, and wisdom is eternal. Life is never what it seems, but I am glad you are all in my dream. Self-talk again.

Hope everyone is doing well out in the world!
Josh

My Port

2009-04-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

FYI:

BARD PowerPort

Port Surgery Complete

2009-04-21T13:44:00.000-07:00

I officially have a port now. The surgery went fine and I am at home recovering, not that I really need any recovering from such a minor procedure. I am a pro at all this stuff by now. I was actually awake for this procedure. They gave me some pain medicine, a light dose of a sedative, and some local anesthetic. They start through my neck and then move a wire down my artery to my stomach area. Then they attach it to the piece that is placed under my skin with another end going towards a vein in my neck. I have a small bump on my chest were the port is actually located. Of course, there are stitches to close the wound which will eventually be removed.

Onward and upward!

Josh

Checking-In

2009-04-20T09:01:00.000-07:00

Kimberly and I had a nice weekend. We welcomed our new rector at our church this weekend for his first service. Also at our church on Saturday we attended an Italian dinner provided by the youth group. They were raising money for their summer mission trip. It was really nice and a good way for some people to get to know our new pastor and his family. It was probably really nice for him to have that ice breaker before his first Sunday. It took the pressure off a little I'm sure.

I am still doing my best to process everything that is going on. It is overwhelming at times, but in the end it is what it is. I will get my port put in tomorrow which will make my life much easier. They can easily draw blood for my labs and also administer chemotherapy through it. It will be a simple procedure. I am still really contemplating what questions to ask my doctors. There will be some huge decisions to make soon, with which there will be no clear direction presenting itself as the appropriate choice. I am afraid that it will end up being my judgment call. I will probably have to bust out the style of questions with my doctors which I have avoided up to this point. That being, "if this were your son, daughter, mom, etc. what would you recommend as a course of action?" Maybe there was a reason why I have spent a few years as a doctoral student understanding the importance of a good question!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Josh

Difficulties

2009-04-16T10:03:00.000-07:00

I called yesterday and left a message with the thoracic surgeon asking for him to contact me to answer a few questions. I spoke with him today and asked him about his interpretation of the PET scan results. Like my medical oncologist, he also mentioned that the tumor was located in the bronchial tube at a place in the lung that is integral to providing air to the entire lung itself. This is not good. I asked him his thoughts about a surgical intervention and he stated that normally they would not do surgery on metastatic colorectal cancer in this situation, but that I was not a normal case (age and health status) and that it would be considered as an option. The bad part is that he stated that I would be facing the reality of losing at least half of my left lung with the potential of them taking the entire lung. Yes, you can live with only one lung and some live with parts of one lung, but I would have severe pulmonary functioning difficulties. For the time being I will continue with the chemo followed by another PET scan and bronchoscopy.

It really sucks to think about for a few reasons. If they normally do not do surgery on metastatic disease like this then that clouds my decision making process. For if a surgical intervention will only postpone further metastasis then do I want to choose another invasive procedure as a route of treatment? There will be no evidence available to inform me about whether I will prolong my life by any substantial amount versus not intervening at all. More than likely (although not gauranteed) the tumor will respond to treatment and potentially decrease in size. This will have me leaning towards surgical intervention. Again, however, if metastasis is to follow then is the pain and recooperation from surgery coupled with decreased pulmonary functioning advantageous to no surgical intervention at all. I will have to postpone chemotherapy to undergo a surgical intervention only to resume it after the fact. Not choosing surgery and continuing with chemotherapy may afford me the same amount of time that a surgical intervention presents. Fuck cancer!!!!

Josh

Break-Down

2009-04-15T11:38:00.000-07:00

I met with my medical oncologist about 2 hours ago. The PET scan results indicate that the most active area was in the left lung. Blood tests results indicate that organ functions are normal, as well as, normal red and white blood cell counts. There were two other spots on the scan that "lit-up," one under the right arm pit and the other in my sinuses. Although these "lit-up" there was do definitive evidence that they are malignant. That does not mean that they are not, but the doctor cited other reasons why there may be up-taking glucose cells involved other than cancer. The final conclusion will be whether or not the spots respond once therapy has been initiated.

That brings me to treatment. I will start chemotherapy on the 27th. I will be taking two drugs this go around. The good news is that neither one of them will be Oxylaplatin. Although I will not avoid getting sick or feeling cruddy, hopefully I will not "spew from all ends" or experience muscle cramps and spasms. I will be on one drug that I previously took which is 5-FU, or Flouracacil. Last time I had this medication in pill form, Xeloda; but this time I will receive it intravenously. This medication will have me on a take-home pump which will entail me also getting a port. The port will make my life easier for receiving medication and also for them drawing blood. The other medication that I will take will be Avastin, which assists by retarding the growth of blood vessels to the tumor.

The surgical and radiation option are still in the balance. My medical oncologist will discuss this with the other doctors and we will proceed from there. One issue noted in the PET scan was that the tumor is located in the bronchial tube rather than on the lung tissue itself. Although he is not a surgeon, the doctor noted that this can present difficulty for surgical intervention. Hopefully I will know more about these options in the near future.

I guess with all said, this is better news than it could have been. There are still unanswered questions and there is the hope of treatment. There is no cure for cancer, only treatment; and until a cure is invented I will stick with treatment. I don't want it, but I can do it. I am only looking at 3 rounds of chemo at first and then we will go from there following another PET scan.

Keep the thoughts and prayers coming. I will need strength to get through the chemo.

Josh

No Word

2009-04-15T05:25:00.001-07:00

Thought I would post and mention that I have not heard anything about my PET scan results. With that said, I will probably find out today at my 11:00 doctor's appointment. Surprisingly, I was able to get some good sleep last night.

In another note, I read a book The Anatomy Of Hope by Jerome Groopman. The author is a hemotologist/oncologist and he writes about the idea of hope and partly about its biological foundations. I have spent many years facing hopelessness with others as a social worker. I have been mentored by researchers, whom a large portion of their academic work is devoted to the origins of hopelessness. I finally asked one day how someone could devote such a large cognitive portion of their time on earth to such a difficult area. The response was that understanding hopelessness gives us a corresponding understanding of its obverse, hope. Anyway, the book came recommended by a friend who is also a colon cancer survivor. The book was able to put some things in perspective for me. Mostly, however, it has provided me solace against the feelings by some people that I have been pessimistic, cynical, or negative about my cancer experience. In a few instances I have become angry, but I usually allude to the fact that most people, despite their good intentions, have an incomplete understanding of what it means to face a terminal illness head-on. Anyway, I wanted to share an excerpt from the book:

Many of us confuse hope with optimism, a prevailing attitude that "things turn out for the best." But hope differs from optimism. Hope does not arise from being told to "think positively," or from hearing an overly rosy forecast. Hope, unlike optimism, is rooted in unalloyed reality....Hope is the elevating feeling we experience when we see - in the mind's eye - a path to a better future. Hope acknowledges the significant obstacles and deep pitfalls along that path. True hope has no room for delusion.

If you have a chance, take time to get a copy of this book. It is a great journey into the biological realm of hope, rather than the psycho-social dimension.

Josh

Nervous Waiting

2009-04-14T11:02:00.001-07:00

I completed the PET scan this morning. It was not bad at all. They injected me with a radioactive glucose based dye which bonds itself to cancer throughout your body which then turns up on the scan. Once they injected me with the dye I had to sit quiet in a recliner for about 45 minutes. Then I proceeded to the PET scan machine. I placed my arms above my head and waited about 30 minutes while the machine did its thing. The only bad part was that my arms got really tired being held above my head. After about 15 minutes they came in and placed my arms across my chest which was a huge relief. Honestly, sitting still allowed me to really concentrate on my breathing and practice some meditation and prayer. I felt extremely at peace once the scan was complete...although really hungry since I had not eaten any breakfast.

One moment of humor came to me in between prayers when I was just thinking about things. I had to fight off laughter and bite my lip and tongue (you have to be real still) because I could not get a recent picture out of my head of one of my friend's children crying at the Easter Bunny. For a moment I really thought I was going to lose it and blow that portion of the scan.

Anyway, now I am waiting nervously for results. I arranged to have one of my doctors take a look to see if results were posted this afternoon. The radiologist folks are given 24 hours to post results, but sometimes they are up sooner. Most likely I will know something this afternoon, but it is not promised. I requested this so I could know what we are looking at before meeting my medical oncologist. I know that if I were to receive the results from him then I would potentially be floored and sit in shock while not remembering what my questions are and what we need to talk about. I will post more information as it develops.

Josh

Pulmonary Funtioning....Check

2009-04-13T08:19:00.000-07:00

I had a visit with another new doctor this morning. I had to complete a pulmonary function test. I basically had to breath into a tube and complete many different types of breathing exercises. For an asthmatic, I passed with flying colors!!! I was in normal range for every test which was some good news in this sea of dread here lately. I was able to talk with him about how the lung handles surgery. He stated that the lung actully does really well in regards to being cut. He mentioned that the lung has overcapacity for oxygen absorbtion. Of course it is never good to cut a piece off, but it is not the end of the world. As far as pulmonary functioning, I would potentially complete another test post-surgery to have an idea of how surgery (if I have it) has affected lung function.

I am slowly getting myself psyched-up for chemo (Game On!). I am hoping with all my might that this tumor is all alone. If it is, then I am going to kick its ass with some poison! I am really scared, but I know that I have the faith and strength to accomplish it again. It is not impossible. Yes, it is hell on earth; but not impossible. I have been trying to fatten myself up a little lately thinking that I may need some extra pounds prior to getting started with the medicine.

I reflected upon suffering yesterday and was reminded that someone suffered for me. That was all I needed to know for the belief that I can make it if I get a chance. Believe me, I am realistic that there are other dreaded possibilities here; however, its my turn to throw a few punches again!

Josh

Spence Vs. The Socialists

2009-04-10T13:50:00.000-07:00

My representative who I have been calling to have a word with for about three weeks now has recently put himself in the headlines declaring that there are 17 socialists in the Congress. I could really dissect this comment, but I will not for he is more than welcome to his opinion. However, doesn't he have other things to worry about other than declaring some people are socialists. So what...we are a republic adhering to democratic priniciples and those "socialists" (as he calls them) are certainly entitled to their opinions. Despite the fact that he did not, or never has, operationalized what he means by such a term; I wish I could just get his attention about H.R. 1189, legislation that would save lives. He is still not on board and I have yet to even garner an answer about a commitment. Yes or no congressman...that simple! Take some time out of your mud throwing and press ops and take a look at this bill. A large portion of your constituency, except for a select few areas (which carry the most political clout around here and which you are most closely alligned), probably would fall into the categories which this legislation intends to serve. Maybe you will tell me it is "socialist," but what good is dead labor and skyrocketing medicare and medicaid spending to your market principles? Say YES sir....COVER YOUR BUTT!!!!!

Doctor Visist All Next Week

2009-04-10T05:01:00.000-07:00

Monday morning I am scheduled to follow-up with my thoracic surgeon who will have me complete a pulmonary functioning test. I will talk with him about the immediate area where the tumor is and discuss risks related to the possibility of my lung collapsing again. I had been exercising everyday but I have since stopped and I would like to pick that up again. I am just not sure if that is something that I need to be doing with a compromised left lung. I do not want to cause it to collapse! I am sure that we will also talk about the cancer and what our options for surgery would be if it were the only tumor present in my system.

On Tuesday I am scheduled for my PET scan (insurance approved yesterday afternoon). I have never completed one of these types of scans. They are located in the basement of the doctor's office. Similar to the dungeon (basement in the tumor building) where I went for radiation, I am guessing this is to prevent radiation from scattering to nearby areas. I will be given a glucose formula and then have to sit in a recliner very still for about 45 minutes. Then I am taken to the PET scan machine for a scan of about 40 minutes. I have had so many scans that this will be nothing. Although, I do have to say that I am going to see if they will let me look at the results (at least with my doctors). That has to be a REALLY cool image to look at of yourself.

Then on Wednesday I am scheduled to see my medical oncologist. I will have completed the PET scan and we will have those results so we know what we are dealing with. I am fairly certain that he is going to want chemotherapy anyway we look at it. There will be some difficult topics when we talk but nothing that cannot be resolved. I will follow through with treatment if the tumor is by itself. If there are multiple metastases I am not sure what my thought on the matter will be. I initially feel that I would not really want to do chemotherapy again if it is only to postpone death. However, I guess it is within consideration to see how the tumors, hypothetically, would respond to treatment. It will ultimately depend on what type of chemo they are wanting to do. They really loaded me up the first go around and I am really afraid of doing that again. But I will probably suck it up and at least go down swinging!

Anyway, keep the thoughts and prayers coming. I am really going to need them starting next week. The waiting to know is the worst part of all this.

Peace,
Josh

Same Old Song And Dance

2009-04-08T17:18:00.000-07:00

I am waiting to have my PET scan scheduled so I can have that done before I see my medical oncologist. One guess what is keeping it from being scheduled. Drum roll please.....insurance company. I swear I am tired as hell of dealing with insurance companies. Everyone knows I can go on my rants about insurance companies and how I feel about what I see as our need as a society for a single payer system, but it is just plain ridiculous. I don't even know what to make of it sometimes. When I last tried to get a referral to see my thoracic surgeon for the brochoscope my referrals for the doctor who made the medical referral were not active (they only give me 2 visits per referral, before making me start from scratch) so therefore, the medical referral he made to the pulmonary thoracic surgeon was not active and I was not approved to see him. So, back to the insurance representative at UA I went to get a new referral for my original surgeon. They then tried to tell me that I could not have a referral to more than one oncologist at a time, even though I have had referrals to see three over the past two years now. You would think they might look at their own records before they try some shit excuse like that. Anyway, it is pure madness and if it weren't for the fact that I am my own advocate I am not sure exactly how it would unfold. One has to ponder the possibility that many people would give up trying to get things resolved which is probably what they intend with such behavior. All this while I am trying to muster up the energy to fight cancer again. It really is immoral in many ways!!!

Call-On Congress Pics

2009-04-08T06:09:00.000-07:00

If you are interested here are the pictures taken by the photographer at the advocacy training that I attended. PEOPLE IN ALABAMA please note that some pictures have constituents actually meeting with their representatives in person. This was not just a commemorative event for the advocates, but more so a sign of support for the ideas behind this event. This was not done for me, nor did I meet with my actual representatives. My representative, nor any representative from Alabama, has yet to co-sponsor or show any instrumental sign of support. Senator Sessions did send me a form letter saying he would consider sponsorship should the bill make its way to the Senate. An answer without any commitment...sigh.

Call On Congress Pics

Great Doctor...Tough News

2009-04-07T07:30:00.000-07:00

I received a call from my surgeon who saw me with the collapsed lung and also made the referral to the thoracic surgeon. He called to tell me he had just received the biopsy results in his office and he wanted to touch base with me about how I was doing. He is a super doc and he has always been pretty spot on with diagnosing what is wrong with me, as well as, up-front and easily understood in his description of things.

Anyway, it is confirmed that it is adenocarcinoma. He stated that the CT scan had suggested another primary tumor, but that the pathology report suggests that it is metastasis from the original rectal tumor. He mentioned that the course of action was to complete the PET scan to see if there is any further metastasis. If there is only the tumor in the lung then the course of action is chemotherapy and radiation followed by surgery, then possibly adjuvant chemotherapy. If there is evidence of further metastasis then the course of action is chemotherapy. Under this situation I asked if this was primarily palliative chemotherapy. He responded that at that point, survival was in the single digits. He did not answer yes to the palliative question, but the course of action is chemotherapy to postpone the inevitable.

Unlike the nurse yesterday who mentioned that I did not need the thoracic surgeon to submit my order for a PET scan that I could just wait until the order on the 15th, this doctor stated that he would have me scheduled for a PET scan by the end of the day after I mentioned my situation and asked for his help. Like I stated before, a real great doctor!

Anyway, many tough decisions lie ahead for me. Please pray for mine and my wife's discernment process as we work through these difficulties.

Peace,
Josh

Doctor's Appointment

2009-04-06T07:43:00.000-07:00

I heard from the my medical oncologist's office today. I am scheduled to see the doctor on the 15th. At first they said the 20th, but I told them they need to see me before I decide I don't want to do chemo again. They called back and said the 15th. I know it seems like a long way off, but they see so many people that the date is really not that bad. Of course I would love to see them today, but this is reality in oncology.

I asked if they could at least schedule my PET scan earlier, but they said they would have to see what the doctor wanted to do (meaning they would have to wait until the 15th). So, I called back my thoracic surgeon and left a message with the nurse to see if he could order the PET scan. If he can put the order in I may be able to get the PET scan ordered sooner than the 15th which will put me in line a bit earlier. Hopefully, I will have the results of the scan completed before I see my medical oncologist which will keep the process running smoothly.

I swear, between the doctors, insurance companies, and my own health (physical and emotional); being a cancer patient is a full-time job.

Josh

Thank You Everyone!

2009-04-05T03:20:00.000-07:00

Once again I am humbled by the many thoughts and prayers received over the past few days. This has been very sobering for Kimberly and I both and we are right back to a place where we were hoping we would never be. I am not as upset as I was the first time, but I think that is due primarily to understanding that this was a possibility. I think only survivors can really understand, but I have constantly battled feelings of vulnerability since I was originally diagnosed. I usually kept them to myself, for when I verbalized them I was often chastised for being negative or pessimistic from others.

I will meet this challenge with the same resolve that I have shown in previous battles. I will step into the ring knowing that I am going to get the shit beat out of me. This will probably be a more difficult chemo round seeing as I do not have any extra weight to pad my wasting. The look of death will come sooner and the sickness will be excruciating. Hell, I already get nauseous just thinking about chemo or just visiting the doctor's office for follow-up visits. So, when I actually start getting the medicine pumped in me again I will probably get sick real quick.

Even though my breathing has improved since they re-inflated my lung, I can still tell something is wrong. I have pain when I take deep breaths or when I stretch out my left arm to reach for something. The pain has moved towards my back as well as my chest. It is not unbearable, but it is very uncomfortable. It really hurts if I sneeze or get the hiccups, but I guess that makes sense. I still do not have any idea what the probability of my lung collapsing again is. I am sure given that there is still something there which could block air flow again that it is conceivable.

Anyway, please keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming. I need them these days. I am not really sure what the future holds but I am going to take on whatever needs to be accomplished. The PET scan (not sure of when this is scheduled) will probably be the tell-tale event to give me an indication of what to expect. Metastasis anywhere is not good, but just hope that a single metastasis is all I am dealing with. Anything else will probably be a longer chat with the doc about options/suggestions.

Peace,
Josh

Little Sam

2009-04-04T16:57:00.000-07:00

We went to visit Josh's cousins' baby Sam at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta today. For those of you who don't know, Sam was born in December with a rare heart defect and had to have heart surgery this past Monday. This was the first time we got to meet him, and let me tell you, he is a cutie pie. Chris and Kathy (Sam's parents) have gone through a very scary time with all of this, so please say a prayer for them while you're praying for Josh and I. If you are interested, their blog is www.lilwim.blogspot.com. We had a nice visit with them today but unfortunately forgot to take any pictures.

Tomorrow is Palm Sunday and I will be the lay reader at the early service. Hosanna!

Peace,
Kimberly

Keemo "The-Rapist"

2009-04-03T16:36:00.000-07:00

Keemo "The-Rapist"
Waits for me silently
Watches my improvements
Contemplates my naivete
Punctures my arm
Drains my soul
Death matters little
Keemo "The-Rapist"

Keemo "The-Rapist"
Where do you hide?
Show your pale face
Expose your nakedness
Wet my lips with your poisonous nectar
Rid my body of my inequities
Bask in my darkness
Keemo "The-Rapist"

Originally posted in early 2008. Seems relevant to my experience now.

Congressional Call-In Results

2009-04-02T13:59:00.000-07:00

Here are the results of the number of calls to Congressional offices on Tuesday. Thank you to everyone who participated! You have made an effort which will ultimately save thousands of lives!

Butt-In Results

Bad News

2009-04-02T11:00:00.000-07:00

Well, my cancer is back in my lungs. I completed the brochoscopy this morning and the initial biopsy results are positive. I will hear from my medical oncologist soon and hopefully see him next week. We will discuss treatment options and move forward with some course of action.

On the bright side, they were able to re-inflate my left lung so I am no longer in pain when I breath.

Please keep me and Kimberly in your thoughts and prayers as we face more difficult decisions.

Peace,
Josh

Dr. Visit Today

2009-04-01T14:41:00.000-07:00

I went to visit a new member of my treatment team, Dr. Minnich. He is a thoracic surgeon and he went over the procedure that I will have tomorrow. Basic information is about all we discussed. He asked if I had any questions and I asked about other possibilities that could lead to a collapsed lung other than a tumor. He talked about pneumonia or other viral infections but mentioned that I was not presenting with a fever or other signs of an infection. He stated that that had him most concerned regarding my previous history of rectal cancer. I then asked about prognosis if it is metastasis and he stated that I would have to undergo a PET scan to quanitify the tumor location and grade. He mentioned that there would be a low probability that it would be a primary secondary cancer and that if it is cancer that it is probably metastasis. I will have preliminay pathology reports regarding any biopsy immediately after the procedure, but final results will be a couple of days. Given this information he stated that chemotherapy is the usual approach with a PET scan to determine surgical options...sigh!

Keep your fingers crossed and prayers coming that it is not a tumor. I, or Kimberly, will post tomorrow to let everyone know the results.

Peace,
Josh

Collapsed Lung

2009-04-01T07:13:00.000-07:00

So, I was needing to post about my condition but I wanted to wait until after the Congressional Butt-In so everyone who visited would see that information and be inclined to participate. When I traveled up to DC last week I experienced severe chest pain and difficulty breathing on the plane. The pain continued, less severe, throughout the week and I decided to visit my doctor upon return. They did a chest x-ray and then called me back immediately. I knew such a quick return phone call was not good news. They informed me that I had a partially collapsed left lung and needed to return for a chest CT-scan. My surgeon looked at the results and there is something blocking air to my lower left lung. They are not sure just what it is so I have to meet with a thoracic surgeon today and then complete a bronchoscopy tomorrow. They will go down into my lung and take a look and complete a biopsy if it looks suspicious.

I am really scared that my cancer has returned. It is not the end of the world if it has, but it is certainly not good news. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers today and tomorrow and hope that it is just a collapsed lung caused by something besides a tumor. (Only after cancer can you hope that it is just a collapsed lung) I will post my news as soon as I can tomorrow and hopefully have better idea of what is going on.

Peace,
Josh

PS. Thanks to everyone who participated in the Butt-In. Do not hesitate to follow-up with your legislators to put the pressure on them to co-sponsor the legislation. We are on the cusp of getting this passed which will save numerous lives with expanded screening opportunities!

Butt-In on March 31rst

2009-03-28T06:05:00.000-07:00

Cover Your Butt

Hello Everyone!

I wanted to share with you that I visited Washington, DC last week and attended the 3rd annual call-on-congress with the Colo-rectal Cancer Coalition. I was able to meet with my congressman and senators (well, their staffers) in efforts to garner support for legislation expanding screenings for colo-rectal cancer, as well as, the creation of a research program at the Department of Defense dedicated to research on colo-rectal cancer. Their is currently legilation in the House that was re-introduced a few weeks ago. The resolution is H.R. 1189 and will hopefully pass soon. We need to get support from a few more congressmen and congresswomen prior to it leaving committee. It had a good shot at passage last session, however, the legislative session was cut short with the election year. Just a few days ago a Senate companion bill was introduced which will make the process of reaching the President much easier considering that companion bills can go to joint committee quicker. These are both bi-partisan resolutions. The House resolution was introduced by Kay Granger (R-TX) and Patrick Kennedy (D-RI), while the Senate resolution was introduced by Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX) and Ted Kennedy (D-NH).

I had a great time meeting other patient advocates from around the country and we made some great progress. I am currently still working with my representatives' offices to seek their support on the two resolutions. With or without their support there is a great chance that this will become law this year. This will ensure colo-rectal screening programs for persons aged 50-64 (pre-Medicare), as well as, anyone younger deemed medically "at-risk." Colo-rectal cancer is preventable, treatable, and beatable. The average cost of a colonoscopy is about $900. The average cost of treatment for metastatic disease is $250,000. So, there is plenty of room for our health care dollars to be allocated more efficiently. When you think about our aging population, coupled with the fact Medicare screenings at age 65 and older usually find late stage disease which could have been caught and prevented earlier you can understand the significant cost saving advantages of expanding screening to the 50-64 age group. This does not even include those who are younger and at-risk but lack health care coverage to cover such a preventive screening.

Anyway, I need your help! March 31rst there will be a Butt-In with Congress. Visit the link above to find out more. It is really simple. You just call the 800 number on March 31rst and you will enter information to directly connect you to your representatives. Then you can let them know that you would like their support on this very important legislation. Before hanging up you will be reconnected with the Butt-In to directly connect you to your next representative. It is really easy and such a great way to have your voice heard. Remember, by knowing me you have already been touched by this disease and, together, we can beat this terrible disease and keep it from affecting many other lives.

Thanks
Josh

P.S. If you need to be reminded about the Butt-In, then text BUTTIN to 30644 and you will be prompted on March 31rst about the call-in.

Fresh Air Interview

2009-03-12T06:01:00.000-07:00

I listened last night to a great interview on Fresh Air last night on NPR. This is a great show and I enjoy the guests and the insightful questions offered by Terry Gross. Last night's interview was about health care and one of the guests was Uwe Reinhardt. He is a distinguished scholar on health care economics and offers some great critique of the current crisis we face with our health care system. If you are so inclined, please take a listen. He has a unique way of breaking through what he calls the "cliches" that create obstacles to our efforts at reform in this country.

Interview

Click the Listen Now at the top of the page on the link.

ER Visit

2009-02-26T10:47:00.000-08:00

I experienced some severe abdominal pain on Wednesday morning around 12:00 am. I thought I could bear to wait and visit the doctor the next morning, but it increased in severity and nothing seemed to sooth the pain. I was down on my knees and could not even stand up-right, and I was also experiencing vomiting. Around 4:30 I told Kimberly that I needed to see a doctor. We went to the ER at UAB and they admitted me and did a CT scan. It turns out that I have a hiatal hernia. They also noticed some bowel inflammation. They did not really comment to me about this much, but I do know from speaking with my oncologists that persons who experience bowel surgery are at higher risk for inflammatory bowel disease.

On a side note, I was scheduled to do my regular 4 month CT Scan this Monday but for efficiency sake I think my oncologist will look at these results. As far as cancer, everything was still alright with no signs of metastasis.

Needless to say, it scared the crap out of me (not literally this time...ha ha!). I was fearing the worst and it seemed to take hours before they had my CT results. They administered some pain medicine and some nexium, as well as, gave me some fluids since I was vomiting at the hospital also. I have not really experienced any acid reflux since I changed my eating habits, but they said some of the CT dye escaped up into my esophagus indicating reflux disease.

I am doing better now and hopefully will not have anymore issues with the hernia. I especially hope that I do not experience that pain anymore. They said that hiatal hernias are usually watched closely and not addressed surgically unless someone is continually symptomatic.

Josh

Birthday #1

2009-02-12T05:54:00.000-08:00

Today is my 32nd birthday. I am very grateful to be here and celebrate this day free from the grip of chemotherapy. I still fight for everyday that I have and will continue to do so til my last breath.

The Lord calls us individually by name for some purpose to fulfill Her will. I have yet to completely discern this for my life, but I remain open to this calling and will serve in whatever capacity She sees fit. The Lord has already sent me into the intimate places of others' hearts and lives and I have done my best to serve. The Lord has called me to examine my heart in this process and to begin a journey of self-understanding that encompasses multiple perspectives and traditions.

I reaffirm my faith in my Lord this day. She has shown me the strength of this faith and I will mold this into my actions. I seek not to express mercy for those I serve, but moreover I walk in solidarity with them towards the Justice of God Almighty!

Love to all,
Josh

God Bless America

2009-02-11T10:32:00.000-08:00

Watching our president yesterday field questions from the audience left me questioning why we have not heard these types of questions posed to a president in so long. My immediate answer is that the previous president wanted to avoid such issues, so they began screening admittance to such events early into his presidency. They knew that he would not be able to handle such genuine questions from American citizens. I know that people have disagreements with President Obama, including myself; although my disagreements are not ideologically based, but more relegated to current policy initiatives.

Anyway, I sincerely broke down in tears yesterday watching him field the question from the homeless lady who asked for help. Most politicians, right or wrong, would have easily moved towards abstract speech about the woman's situation. Instead, this man asked what her name was. He made her story personable to his reality. He may not be able to intervene on the micro level with this woman and her family (although he commented that his staff would meet with her after the meeting), but I could tell that he has actually spoken to someone who is homeless before. Not a surface level conversation, but a real conversation about their hopes, dreams, faults, family, strengths, problems, etc. This is the experience that Republicans mocked at their convention last year, the "community organizer." Thank you for your genuineness and honesty with the American people Mr. President. With accurate information we will face our challenges and meet them with the same resolve that has seen this country through our many difficult hours.

Ever Onward!

Article

2009-02-02T08:22:00.000-08:00

Article Link

For anyone who was even paying attention to my comments and ramblings, here is a recent article. They are reporting findings and statistics that have been known about for longer than last week. The numbers or families receiving TANF has been decreasing and discrepancies rising between need and assistance in most states when looking at TANF participation since passage of welfare reform in the 1990's. Many have hailed these numbers as proof that welfare reform was working. Now that poverty has extended into more American living rooms than before we see some of those same individuals claiming that keeping people from assistance was not the intention of the original legislation. Really? I have read some of it and seen first hand the consequences of its implementation and that is not what I take away from it. That was at the heart of its very intention.

Can we at least come away from this financial turmoil knowing that poverty is not the personal fault of single mothers and not punish them through policy? If you jump to concluding that life choices have decided such a fate, then ask whether or not that conclusion secures your understanding of yourself more so than it explains someone's circumstances whom faces the choice of asking for help. I think that for most it is the former.

Biopsy Results

2009-01-27T07:59:00.001-08:00

I had my annual colonoscopy done one inauguration day. Everyone will look back and ask, "where were you when President Obama was inaugurated?" Well....

Anyway, the test was good and there were no signs of anything troubling. As precaution, they biopsy tissue from the local area where the tumor was located. The biopsy results were negative! The only bad thing other than the timing of the test was the bowel prep with the J-pouch. No further details are really needed.

On a side note, Kimberly and I were talking about the news yesterday reporting on the psychological struggles and stress related negative outcomes for financially pressured families. She mentioned that all her clients have this problem and have had it long before the recent financial turmoil. She was able to capture a thought I have had recently about how people's empathy broadens when foreclosure, job loss, health related bankruptcies, etc. hit their neighborhood. When financial stress expands , our boundaries about who fits in those categories, as well as our cognitive inventory of reasons why someone is poor becomes more flexible; as compared to more financially stable times. Of course this is all anecdotal, but interesting personal reflection. Is this indicative of our attempts to socially label "deserving" and "undeserving" poor? Is not the recent "federal free-for-all" capitalization project with corporate/financial America the equivalent of what some conceptualize as "welfare?" When we all start to really understand that despite our best intentions, best education, and "exceptional work ethic" we are still vulnerable to poverty's reach (some more than others considering socioeconomic position); then the veil surrounding who you believe the poor to be begins to slip away. "The poor will always be with you." Maybe there is room for a personal message and not a broader societal structural theme. But hey, at least federal and state legislation and mandates force the millions of low-income Americans who need assistance to work. Wish we could say that for the financial institutions!

Ramble On! There I go again.

Peace!

Happy Birthday Mac!

2009-01-25T05:18:00.001-08:00

Vulcan

2008-12-21T11:39:00.000-08:00

Josh and I went to Vulcan park Friday night for the first time in the 3 years we've lived in Bham. For those of you who aren't familiar with Vulcan, he is the second largest iron statue in the country and he stands on Red Mountain in downtown, on top of a high tower. You can ride the elevator up to an observation deck that is right under him. I'm not sure how high up it is... but pretty high! We were going to take a picture of us to give to people but it didn't turn out so well...

...because it's so windy up there, the rail was so high (not that I'm complaining), and we were both kind of freaking out because the floor of the observation deck is made of metal mesh and you can see through it hundreds of feet to the ground! I did get some shots of the view from up there though:

Including the up close and personal view of Vulcan's hiney, as you can see. We did get a better shot down on the ground which we printed out to give to folks:

So Merry Christmas everybody! Josh is on his way down to Mobile now and I will head down there Wednesday. Enjoy your holidays.
Peace,
Kimberly

Scattered Pieces

2008-12-02T08:57:00.001-08:00

Sometimes it feels like cancer has taken my life and thrown it into little pieces. Most of my recent past I have spent collecting these pieces as they have blown in the wind aimlessly in all directions. Some of them have been lost forever to obscurity, but most I have collected and now I face the task of putting them back together. It is a daunting task to think about, but there is a silver lining in all of it. That silver lining is perspective.

You see, I always believed my life was similar to a puzzle with pieces needing to go certain places. My personal will, motivation; and most importantly, God's grace would ultimately reveal to me how they were to be positioned. There was no real picture to follow, but somehow there was the belief that it would all be completed somehow.

If you know me, then you probably know that I spend a considerable amount of my cognitive effort on self-reflection. This is both a professional mandate, but also a means by which I continue to grow as an individual. I know that my development did not stop when I became an adult; and that I continue to understand things based on past experience, new experiences, knowledge, evidence, and mentorship. With that said, my self-reflection has not increased with frequency since my diagnosis; but more so in depth.

So, here I am with my pieces and now I want to put them back together. This is where perspective has revealed new truths about myself. My pieces were never going to go together to make any sort of puzzle that I had envisioned. These pieces represent all that I am, but yet they are not always cohesive. Some of them fit together perfectly; almost as though they were never completely severed by the industrial machines which impress their design upon the picture, but are held together by small slivers of cardboard. On the other hand, some of the pieces stand alone in independence of the other pieces establishing autonomy from any direction, guidance, or conscious self-evaluation.

This new perspective declares that the final product will not be a nicely framed picture. It will be highly fragmented from missing pieces and dynamic in shape and size. There will not be a clear picture for you or me to glance at in conversation. It will be rich with texture and filled with many colors. Of most importance, however, is that all of you who are reading this in some way are helping me to put it together. That experience is the essence of my being and allows me even the strength and courage to continue self-reflection and development. For this I am grateful.

Peace,
Josh

Thanks

2008-11-25T07:41:00.000-08:00

I should start this week with giving thanks to all that I am blessed with. Let me tell you, it is definitely a blessing to be able to lift a turkey this year. I am also grateful for the many people who have helped me through this past year. I am thankful for my doctors, nurses, and health care workers who continue to show me that they are invested in my health. I am thankful to everyone who continues to show me support with their acts of kindness, thoughts, and prayers. I am thankful for my family; especially Kimberly, who continues on this journey of life with me. Most importantly, I am thankful for Christ's love and compassion for me shown in these many blessings.

As winter approaches and temperatures drop I am reminded of my dreadful experience of cold that I went through with the chemotherapy. There is no way to describe how cold I felt even when I was in warm conditions, much less confronted with winter temperatures. I still have difficulties with cold temperatures but it seems to be getting better. I guess one big difference is I no longer have my "padding" to keep me warm...ha ha. I have noticed that my neuropathy returns in the cold weather. It is not real bad, but the tingling feeling in my extremities followed by numbness is present.

Anyway, I hope that everyone out there has a great holiday. I hope that this message finds you in good spirits. I am certain that there are many things in your life for which you are thankful. Share your thanks with those who are close to you as you share food this holiday.

Happy Thanksgiving,
Josh

2 Up 2 Down

2008-11-10T11:57:00.000-08:00

Today I got some great news! I completed my second post treatment CT-scan this week and everything was clear. I continue to be humbled by every day that passes. I am reminded of those who were not so lucky, but their memory reminds me to continue searching for a more full life. Not sure what that really means, but it certainly provides for interesting reflection. Continued thanks for everyone's thoughts and prayers.

Josh

What's Up World!

2008-10-15T07:34:00.000-07:00

Hello to anyone still stopping by. I know it has been a long time since my last post. I have been really busy with school work and trying to get the process moving again. I am having some success and hopefully will have some major steps completed by the end of December.

I have my CT-scan in early November and I am getting really nervous. I went last week to have my test completed to examine my reproductive system. Seems as though the chemo and radiation (probably more of the latter) have halted my production of sperm. Thank goodness we had some good people encourage us to bank sperm before beginning treatment.

I am still keeping with the diet changes and it is going really well. Kimberly and I have joined something called "Grow Alabama" (www.growalabama.com). We signed up for a weekly delivery of organic vegetables. We have them shipped near our home to a health food store and we pick up every week. Last week we got rattlesnake beans, carrots, sweet potatoes, tomatoes, and various colored bell peppers. This week we are getting new potatoes, beans (type unknown), spinach, turnip greens, bell peppers, and tomatoes. Not only do we get delicious organic vegetables, but we support local regional farmers as well. It seems like a neat program and they have other items available as well like eggs, meats, etc.

Take care
Josh

Stand Up To Cancer

2008-09-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

Thought I would post about the Stand Up To Cancer stuff happening tomorrow on most local television stations. This is a great opportunity for people to realize how we are all touched by this disease in some way, be it directly in our own battle with the disease or indirectly in our relationships with family or friends who have been affected by cancer. Take time to visit the Stand Up To Cancer website and peruse their various links. There is a particular link that I would like to call your attention which is located here.

Write Your Representative

This provides you a form to write your respective congressmen/congresswomen or senators. There is also a link on that page which provides you with contact information for your representatives. Also, don't forget about state legislators and local representatives. These community leaders may not have the power to address federal monies, but they do have some say in local policies related to public health.

Many may not realize how much funding has been reduced across the board by the National Institutes of Health, but it has occurring at an alarming rate. It does not just affect cancer research, but encompasses research in various branches of science in general. Please take the time to learn more about this and other issues related to cancer prevention, treatments, and research. It may actually save your life one day!

Peace
Josh

Happy Birthday to Me...

2008-09-01T13:28:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,
We have had an enjoyable Labor Day/Kimberly's Birthday weekend. I was off work Friday and today, of course. Friday night Josh took me out to dinner at GianMarco's. Then Saturday night Savannah and David and Savannah's grandfather came over for dinner and to watch football. Roll Tide, War Eagle.... and to you MSU fans out there... ouch. Better luck next week. Then Sunday Savannah took us to brunch at Veranda on Highland, where I had delicious duck and waffles. Here's a group shot of us:

Here's Savannah and I:

And here's Josh and Savannah and David's miniature dachsund, Mischa:

This morning I went shopping with my birthday money and got a purse, then Josh and I went to see Tropic Thunder. It's hilarious. Now, in about 2 hours, I'll be 29. Wow. Time to eat more birthday cake. :) It's been a good birthday weekend, I must say. Take care everyone--
Kimberly

One Year + One Day

2008-08-14T07:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a milestone for me. It has been one year since I was diagnosed with cancer. I am not really sure how to feel about it. I am still not ready to be real "cocky" about being cancer free. I have my many moments of euphoria, but I am constantly worried that it might return. I am extremely blessed to be where I am and every day continues to see improvement. I am hopeful that when I return to the doctor for my next lab work in November that I will finally be in normal range for both my white blood cell and red blood cell count.

My diet continues to be much improved. Kimberly finally convinced me to spend the extra money and buy organic products when possible. It is certainly a price difference, but it does make sense from where I stand. (Does that chemotherapy come in an organic brand? Ha Ha!!!)

Anyway...college football is near and I am happy!